Without Honor
by sg1mouse
Summary: Just as the team really feel as if they mesh, one of them almost distroys it. Set in Season 3. WARNING: THIS IS STARTED WITH A RAPE.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, just the story I put them in.

_**Spoilers:**__ Season 1- "Hathor", Season 3-"Into the Fire"_

_**A/N:**__ Takes place in between "Into the Fire" and "Seth" _

**Chapter One**

"Daniel, now!" Colonel O'Neill yelled at the archeologist.

"Almost got it."

That was not what the soldier wanted to hear. They were under heavy fire and the Jaffa were close to cutting off their escape route.

Jack ducked under a staff blast cursing at the stubbornness of Daniel Jackson. This had to stop.

Daniel was pulling with all his strength to free a tablet from the ancient temple wall. It was important and he wasn't going to leave without it.

Jack came up beside him and tried to jerk him away.

"I almost have it . . ." the archeologist shouted, shaking the colonel off.

A staff blast hit just above the two men's heads, raining chunks of debris down on them. Coughing and sputtering, Daniel came up with a grin, having successfully extracted the tablet.

Jack, however, was not happy. Shoving the scientist in front of him, he began laying down cover fire for their escape.

"Carter, you and Teal'c go and secure the 'gate. We'll head the other direction to draw these guys off then circle around to meet you." O'Neill shouted in his radio.

Running flat out into the surrounding hills, both men made it away from the ruins. The Jaffa seemed confused by the team splitting up and decided to go after the other two.

So much for that plan.

Eventually they came into a clearing and both men collapsed. O'Neill popped up and scanned the area to see if they had gotten away. All was quiet. Turning his attention to the archeologist beside him, his anger doubled.

Daniel was sitting, staring at the tablet with a triumphant look on his face.

"Jack, this is so . . ."

He wasn't able to finish due to the heavy blow that landed on the side of his jaw. It was hard enough to not only knock his glasses clear across the small clearing, but it actually snapped his head back so hard that his bandanna flew off.

Before he could react in anyway O'Neill hit him again, even harder, sending him sprawling. Then, standing over the wounded scientist, Jack pulled out a zip tie and bound Daniel's hands. Picking up the young man's fallen bandanna, the colonel shoved it into the archeologist's mouth roughly.

"It is time for you to learn something, _Dr._ Jackson."

Hauling Daniel up by his vest, Jack shoved him over a fallen log, so that he was draped in such a way that left little doubt in his mind as to what was about to happen.

Daniel had never been so scared in his life.

Jack began talking to him, "Here's a history lesson for you. In many warrior cultures throughout time, it has been an accepted practice for an officer to _'dominate'_ a lower ranking, or in your case, lower civilian team member, if said person consistently disobeyed or blatantly ignored orders."

Daniel's breaths came in terrified gasps. He tried to look over his shoulder at Jack, but had his face smashed into the log. He could hear the other man take off his vest and toss it aside. Then Daniel felt Jack reach around him and unbuckle his belt and proceed to unbutton his pants, pulling them, with his boxers, down quickly.

The younger team member of SG-1 tried to scream around the gag, but only managed a muffled yell. He then heard the colonel unbuckle and take his own BDU pants down. Still with his hand on the back of the scientist's neck, forcing him down, Jack kicked Daniel's legs apart.

With his mind racing, nerves screaming, the archeologist again tried to move. He was rewarded with a knee to the balls. Again his scream came out a muffled yelp. He could hear O'Neill giving himself a hand job, preparing to _'teach Daniel a lesson'_.

" . . . Mmmaack," Daniel tried to speak around the bandanna in his mouth.

A blow across the back of his head came with Jack's low angry voice.

"I didn't think I would ever have to do this to anyone. But you, Danny boy, just can't seem to get it through your thick skull _who_ is in charge."

Daniel's brain was in overload. He desperately searched for something to get him out of this. If only he could talk. He was sure that Jack did not have sexual leanings this way. And he certainly didn't, despite the rumors that ran ramped at the SGC.

No, Daniel knew that this was _exactly_ what Jack had said. Domination. Why did O'Neill have to remember that little piece of history?

The young man found himself praying that Teal'c or Sam would come back looking for them. He would die of embarrassment, but at least his dignity would be intact.

He felt O'Neill still for a moment. The archeologist heard him spit into his hand and then felt the head of the colonel's dick press against his ass. Closing his eyes tight, tensing every muscle in his body and trying to project himself anywhere but here, he heard O'Neill growl.

"Now you will know who you take orders from on this team, Jackson."

With that, an agonizing pain shot through Daniel as Jack rammed home. With every penetrating thrust, the colonel made his point clear.

"You will follow orders. You will not argue with me anymore. And you will never tell anyone that this happened. It is between an officer and his subordinate."

With that last statement, Daniel felt O'Neill unload inside of him. A short moment later, Jack leaned over Daniel and whispered in his ear.

"Do we now have an understanding?"

All the shamed man could mange was a slight nod and a whimper.

Jack pulled out of Daniel's ass and got dressed. Then he cut the zip tie off of the scientist's hands, letting him free to dress himself.

Daniel could hardly move with out pain radiating up his spine. He pulled the bandanna out of his mouth and proceeded to pull his BDU's up. Refusing to let the tears in his eyes escape, he would not look at the colonel. After Daniel got his belt buckled, Jack tossed him his pack.

"Move out."

Walking was almost unbearable for Daniel. Any time he had a misstep or if they had to jump over something, the pain was enough to cause his head to swim. Locking his jaw tight, he wasn't going to say anything. No way was he going to give that satisfaction to O'Neill. It was a short time later that he knew he must be bleeding, as his boxers were becoming uncomfortably damp. Shoving that thought aside, he just wanted to get home. And he didn't mean the SGC.

By the time they reached the 'gate, Daniel was sure the others would be out looking for them. But to his surprise, they were waiting by the DHD.

"Colonel, you get lost?" Carter asked with a smirk.

Smiling as if nothing at all was out of the ordinary, O'Neill replied, "Nope. Just had a little trouble with Rock Boy here, not wanting to leave."

Glancing at Daniel, Jack added, "We have an understanding now, though. Right?"

Daniel said nothing, only nodded. Sam caught the pain in his eyes however, then noticed his swollen and bruised jaw. Concerned, she went over to him and reached out to his face. He quickly pushed her hand away and moved passed her.

"Daniel," Sam grabbed his arm, stopping him. "Where are your glasses?"

Shrugging, he broke away from her grasp and waited for the wormhole to be established.

Once they were though and walking down the ramp, Daniel felt like bolting, but managed to restrain himself. The colonel met General Hammond with a cheery smile.

"Welcome back SG-1. Glad to see you all in one piece." The Texan greeted them. "Head to the infirmary for your post-mission exams, we'll debrief in one hour."

As this was being said, Daniel walked right passed everyone and left the gate room without so much as a nod.

Surprised by this, the general looked at O'Neill.

"What's with Dr. Jackson?"

"Ah, he's got himself a new doohickey to play with. Probably wants to get his exam done quick so he can study it."

The general seemed okay with this explanation, but Sam was not. She was worried by Daniel's silence and odd behavior. She decided to corner the archeologist after their physical.

When the rest of SG-1 appeared in the infirmary, they all noticed that Daniel was not there. Sam turned to Jack with a questioning look.

"Maybe he wanted a shower first." The colonel suggested.

Sam wasn't so sure.

Daniel never showed up during their physicals. Janet even questioned O'Neill about the absence of Dr. Jackson.

"I'm sure he will be along any time now. He was pretty hyped on that tablet thing." The Colonel replied.

When she was cleared to leave, Sam headed right to Daniel's office. He wasn't there, nor did it look as if he had been there. Next she went to the locker room. Again, he wasn't there and his BDU's were not in the dirty laundry bin. Now Sam was really worried.

Right before she went to the briefing room, she called down to Janet.

"Has Daniel come in yet?" she asked the doctor.

"No. In fact, I was just going to see General Hammond about that. This is not like him."

When Sam entered the briefing room, Jack, Teal'c and General Hammond were already there. She sat in her customary seat and waited for the general to ask where Daniel was.

She didn't have to wait long.

"Where is Dr. Jackson?"

Sam noticed the slight look of worry and what she thought was guilt on Colonel O'Neill's face when shrugged his answer to the general's question.

Just then, Dr. Frasier came into the room.

"General, I just called to the security desk topside. Dr. Jackson signed out an hour ago. The airman said that he looked frantic. He hadn't even changed out of his combats, and when he drove off, he nearly hit a supply truck on its way in." There was no hiding the worry in her voice.

"Okay, what happened on P2X-138? Colonel?" Hammond had his irritated voice going full fledge.

Seeming a little agitated, Jack did not look the general in the eye. "We took some heavy fire . . . Daniel got his tablet thing . . . We had to split up to make it back to the 'gate . . . Par for the course, Sir."

"If it was par for the course, Colonel, why is Dr. Jackson not sitting here right now?"

Carter had enough talk. "Sir, permission to go to Daniel's apartment and find him."

"Granted. And take Dr. Frasier with you. There may be something wrong."

The two women left right away.

****

On the trip to the archeologist's home, Sam told Janet about his odd behavior on the planet right before coming back.

"He didn't say a word, Janet. Wouldn't look at me, wouldn't let me touch him. The side of his face was swollen and bruised as if he was hit. I really think that something happened between him and the colonel. I had a feeling that things were getting a little tense with the two of them, but, I can't see the colonel hitting him."

Janet was quiet for a moment. "I'm not so sure, Sam."

"What do you mean?"

With a look of conflicting emotions, Janet replied, "I can't divulge anything, but I can tell you that there have been . . . questionable incidents concerning Colonel O'Neill before. But they happened so long ago, I can't really think that he would revert back to using brute force. Especially on someone I thought he considered a friend."

That statement slashed through Carter like a sword. The rest of the trip to Daniel's place was silent.

General Hammond fixed an icy glare at the two remaining SG-1 members. Again, O'Neill seemed to be very distracted, as if something was gnawing in the back of his mind.

"Colonel, I demand to know if anything has happen between you and Dr. Jackson." He growled at his 2IC.

Looking down at the table and drumming his fingers restlessly, he remained quiet for some time. Then he looked up into the General's face.

"Sir, Dr. Jackson and I have been having some . . . difficulties in the _'chain of command'_ department. I know that he is a civilian, but he _is_ a member of a military team. I had some . . . rather harsh words with him before we got back with Carter and Teal'c. Just to set things straight."

When it seemed as though he was not going to elaborate more, Teal'c turned to him and said in a low, angry voice, "Did you cause the marks on DanielJackson's face, O'Neill?"

General Hammond had not gotten a good look at the archeologist with his hasty retreat from the gateroom.

"Teal'c, what do you mean?" He asked the Jaffa warrior.

"When DanielJackson got back to the 'gate, I noticed that he looked as if he had been hit. Then Captain Carter remarked that his glasses were missing. On the whole, General Hammond, it was as if DanielJackson had encountered something that had caused him great distress. I did not think that it was that serious until my reflections just now."

The general had heard enough. Looking at O'Neill, then motioning to an airman standing just out side the door, Hammond stood up and leaned on the table.

"Colonel O'Neill, you will be escorted to your quarters where you will stay until such time as I find out what happened. You are officially under house arrest." Nodding at the airman, he finished, "Dismissed."

****

Sam and Janet got off the elevator at Daniel's apartment. They hurried to his door and knocked. No answer. Not surprised, Sam fished his keys out of her purse. Janet looked at her incredulously.

"We all have each other's house keys, in case one of us is laid up in the infirmary for awhile." She answered the doctor's questioning look.

When the door opened, Sam gasped. The usually spotless home of her friend looked as if a micro-burst had hit it. Cautiously, they entered. Furniture, books, his precious artifacts, was tossed around the room as if someone ransacked the place. There was broken glass everywhere on the floor. Carter immediately pulled her M9 from the holster in the back of her jeans.

Janet followed the soldier quietly. Maybe someone had broken in, but that seemed unlikely since the door did not appear to have been forced. Carefully, the two women made their way further in. Janet patted Sam on the shoulder and remarked, "All the windows are open. It's freezing in here."

They did not find Daniel in the living room, so Carter turned towards his bedroom. The door was shut, and what looked like blood was smeared a crossed it. Carefully opening the door, Sam inched in with her gun raised.

Though it was getting dark, both of them could see well enough to find Daniel lying on his bed, dressed only in his boxers. All the windows in here were wide open as well and the light November snow was accumulating on the floor beneath them. The scientist was facing away from the door and did not move as they came in closer.

"Daniel?" Sam quietly said.

She rounded the bed and stopped short. Daniel's eyes were open, but unfocused and staring. In hand was his Berretta, with the barrel in his mouth.

Frozen in place, neither Sam nor Janet were sure what to do. They did not expect this.

Sam slowly moved forward towards her friend, handing her gun to Janet first.

"Daniel? Will you hand me the gun, please?" she asked in a whisper kneeling down beside him.

He did not move, but she could see that his eyes had focused now. Inching closer, Sam continued to speak in a hushed, calm voice.

"Please, Daniel. Give me the gun."

His eyes moved to hers. It took everything in her power not to react to the look he gave her. The fear, sorrow and pain were etched into every line of his bruised face. Seeing Sam looking at him in the condition he was in, Daniel began to cry.

Taking advantage of his breakdown, Sam reached for the gun and got it away. She laid it down and wrapped her arms around the broken archeologist as he sobbed uncontrollably.

Janet approached warily. She turned on the nightstand light and gasped, "On my God."

Her eyes went over every inch of his body. His feet were cut from the glass that was on the floor, slowly dripping rivulets of blood onto his blanket. There were welts on his back that Janet surmised were from a belt. What shocked her was the way the welts were placed indicated self-induced. Then see saw the blood on the back of his legs and butt. Right then she knew . . . Daniel had been raped.

Seeing the horrified look on the doctor's face, Sam gently unwrapped her arms from around her friend and stood to see what would make Janet turn pale. Upon the sight she would never forget as long as she lived, Captain Samantha Carter's rage kicked in full throttle.

Pulling her cell phone out, she quickly called the base.

"I need General Hammond NOW!"

Janet moved to Daniel's side and kneeled down to look him in the face. Placing a warm hand on his head, she smiled at him in a way she hoped was not conveying pity. Beside her she heard Sam telling the General to send a med team in a truck to pick them up. Without going into detail, she told him it was far worse then what Colonel O'Neill had let on.

When Sam hung up the phone, she went and closed all the windows and found some heavy blankets to cover Daniel with. Janet went into his bathroom looking for a first aid kit. It wasn't much, but at least she could clean some of the open cuts.

As Janet went about wiping off the blood and administering to his wounds, Sam sat with Daniel, running her hand through his hair and whispering to him.

"Daniel, can you tell me who did this to you?" She asked.

He only buried his face into the pillow.

Looking over at Dr. Frasier, she could see a rage was creeping into her face as well. She turned back to the young man with whom she had grown to love in a very short amount of time. 'Kindred spirits', Janet always said, when Sam would gush about how she and Dr. Jackson could connect on a level that no one else could.

"Daniel," she tried again, "If I ask you some yes or no questions, will you answer me?"

It was a long wait, but he nodded his agreement.

"Did you get captured on the planet?"

He shook his head no.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

He shook his head no.

Realization hit Carter, "Did the person that did this to you, tell you not to say anything or tell anyone?"

A long pause passed, and then he broke into sobs again, nodding his head.

"Daniel," Sam did not want to ask this question, and she definitely did not want to hear the answer she feared would follow, "Did Colonel O'Neill do this?"

No answer.

"Daniel, I need to know. Did Colonel O'Neill . . ." the words stuck in her throat causing her voice to crack as she forced them out, "Did Colonel O'Neill rape you?"

Daniel did not answer, but his body tensed so much that he might as well have screamed 'yes' at the top of his voice.

There was such anger in the two women's faces that when Janet's med team came into the room, they actually backed away from them.

In full doctor mode, Janet had them prep Daniel and get him into the waiting truck. She and Sam would drive back in Sam's car, to discuss how they were going to handle the situation.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

The preverbal shit hit the fan when Captain Carter and Dr. Fraiser got back to the SGC. After she had seen to Daniel and made sure that he was under guard, so that he wouldn't hurt himself, Janet went with Sam to General Hammond's office. They reported everything that they saw at Daniel's apartment and what they managed to get from him. Dr. Fraiser was convinced that if Hammond's face got any redder, he was going to end up in the infirmary also.

After the two women finished, all were quiet for a short time. It was Janet that broke the silence.

"Sir, I have read Colonel O'Neill's history. I know that he had, a long time ago, problems with violence towards those in his command. But I really . . . I can't believe that he did this under his own power."

The other two people in the room looked at the doctor for a long moment.

"What are you implying, Doctor Fraiser?"

Focusing her thoughts, Janet answered, "Well, Sir. I think we should take into consideration that SG-1 was captured less then two weeks ago by Hathor. There possibly could be a connection."

"She's dead." Sam voiced right away, "How could she have done this?"

"And you cleared all of them when they returned, Doctor." General Hammond said. However there was a hint of hope in the man's voice.

"Yes, Sir, I did. But we all know that sometimes alien influences slip by our limited procedures." Dr. Fraise replied. "It would be a hell of a plan 'B' for her . . ."

Thinking about this, General Hammond had to admit that he would much rather have what happen be the fault of Hathor, than that of his friend and 2IC. Breathing out a frustrated sigh, the Texan rubbed his hands over his face. 'Mama _never_ told me there would be days like this one!' he thought to himself.

"All right. I want you to get Colonel O'Neill and test him with everything we've got. Have Dr. McKenzie do a psyche profile as well. Captain Carter, please contact the To'kra to see if they can spare anyone to come and help us figure this out. Dismissed."

The two women stood and saluted, leaving the General for their respective duties.

****

Jack was under guard the whole time he was subjected to testing. No one, however, would tell him what was going on. After the last test that Dr. Fraiser could think of, the SF's escorted O'Neill back to his holding cell.

Sam went to see him a little later that night. She was still in a rage, not seeing how Hathor could have pulled this off. She had to see the Colonel herself and find out how _he_ was feeling about this whole sordid mess. When she walked into his room, she dismissed the guard. Turning around, she fixed her CO and the man she _had_ been harboring feelings for, an icy glare.

After a few minutes of silent reprimand, she finally spoke.

"Explain yourself, _Sir_."

O'Neill just looked at her incredulously. "I don't believe I have to explain anything to you, _Captain_." He shot back.

Sam was working overtime to keep herself in check.

"Oh, I think you do!" she spat, "You quite possibly have destroyed this team _and_ the most gentle, kind hearted person in this universe. I believe that, **and that alone**, deserves an explanation."

For the first time, the mask of indifference that Jack had plastered on his face began to wane. He looked at the floor and ran his hands through his close cropped hair.

In a quiet and defeated voice he told her, "I can't explain it."

Carter felt her anger abate some and did not want it to. If she let her guard down now, she wouldn't be able to continue to confront her superior officer.

"What's that suppose to mean?" she asked him.

Shaking his head, he let out a long, tired sigh.

"Just that. I can't explain it. I was really mad at Daniel for not coming when the Jaffa showed up. But then it seemed like . . . like something just . . . snapped in me."

"Do you think you were being controlled by someone or something?" Carter questioned, now interested in what he had to say.

O'Neill thought for a long time. "I'm not sure, Carter. I think that if I had tried hard enough to stop . . . maybe I wouldn't have hit him so hard."

"Hitting him is the least that you did, _Sir_. Daniel would of gotten over that if that was _all_ you did." She growled at him.

O'Neill turned a confused and questioning face towards her, "Oh God, Carter . . . what _did_ I do?"

The anger surfaced again in the young captain, "In short, _Sir_, you raped Daniel."

O'Neill jumped up suddenly, "NO!" he shouted, "No way! I would **NEVER** do that! Not in a million years! He's my friend . . . he's a _guy_, for crying out loud!"

Carter stared at him in disbelief. "Are you saying, Sir, that you don't _remember_ raping him?"

Jack sat heavily on the bunk. Covering his face with his hands, he thought back to the clearing and how angry he was. He remembered looking at Daniel and seeing the young archeologist brimming with pleasure at his find.

O'Neill watched in horror as his memories unfolded behind his closed eyes. The blow that sent Daniel flying. His own hands stripping off Daniel's BDU's. He could hear his voice telling the young man he was about to violate, that what he was doing was acceptable.

Yelling out in absolute devastation, Jack could see the whole scene in surreal hazy colors. Again the colonel jumped to his feet, raging. Carter backed-off, almost fearful. He screamed as he flipped the bunk over and began to toss chairs around. Three SF's came rushing in and pinned the colonel to a wall.

He could hear Carter yelling at him, but her words just didn't sink in. Then he saw her coming at him with a needle. Struggling even more, he howled out in rage. Rage that was not directed at her, but at himself and his actions.

Sam got the sedative in her C.O. and then helped the SF's hold him down until it took affect. Once he slumped to the floor, the airmen righted the bunk and put the colonel on it. As they left the room, the young captain glanced back at O'Neill. Now she was convinced something _had_ been done to him. When she left, she headed right to General Hammond's office.

Knocking on the door, Sam heard the general call his permission to enter.

"Captain Carter." He spoke genially to her.

"Sir," Sam began as she paced in front of his desk, "I really believe now that something has . . . um . . . altered the Colonel."

"Oh?" Hammond replied now giving her his full attention. "What has brought you to that conclusion?"

"Well, Sir, he didn't _know_ what he did to Daniel." She blurted out quickly. "He was genuinely shocked and then . . . infuriated with himself. He just couldn't believe that he . . . he . . ." She couldn't say it.

"Raped Dr. Jackson?" The General said it for her with such distain that Sam stopped her pacing and stared at him.

Nodding, she sat down in a chair with a heavy sigh.

George Hammond rose from his seat and walked around the desk. Perching on the corner of it, he looked at his captain with a soft expression in his eyes.

"Captain, I understand your need to believe in your commanding officer, it's instilled in a soldier from day one of boot camp. But I need evidence in Colonel O'Neill's defense, not just . . . gut feelings."

"I understand, Sir. I really do." She was close to tears. Her team . . . _her friends_, were being torn apart by something. She couldn't accept that there was nothing she could do about it. There had to be an explanation for O'Neill's actions, other then the obvious.

Turning her focus back to the general, she asked, "May I go and talk to Daniel, Sir. See if he can remember anything that may have been . . . out of the ordinary?"

"Last I heard, he was still unresponsive."

Noticing the pleading look she gave him, he caved. Nodding his approval he said quietly, "Yes, Captain."

As she got up to go, Hammond placed a hand on her arm, "And Sam, try to get through to him. I have developed a soft spot for that boy."

"Yes, Sir." She responded, "So have I."

****

When Sam entered the infirmary, Janet came over to her right away. Indicating to the observation booth, both women entered and sat down. Shuffling some files around, the doctor found the one she was looking for.

"Daniel is a mess." She told her friend none to succinctly, "He's still catatonic and some of the cuts on his feet were very deep. I had to pull a lot of glass out of them. And . . . I'm not really sure what kind of belt he used to lash himself with, but the welts on his back are pretty, well in my most professional terminology . . . ewww."

Sam shook her head in disbelief. "Janet, how did Colonel O'Neill's test fair?"

"Well," she sighed, "physically, he's fine. But I am not so sure about mentally. I know that Dr. McKenzie's report hasn't gotten here yet, but . . . if you ask me, I _really_ think something else happened on that planet."

"Me too. I just haven't figured it out yet." Carter shifted in her set, then looked out the window towards where Daniel was lying. He was curled up on his side, facing away from the rest of the room. A guard was standing at ease just inside the door. Daniel had to be put on suicide watch because of the way that Sam and Janet had found him at his apartment. Turning back to Janet, she asked, "Can I talk to him now?"

Eyebrow raised, Dr. Frasier shrugged, "You can try. I've been in there as much as I can, talking to him. He hasn't so much as squeaked."

Sam gave her an amused smirk, "Janet, do you really think Daniel squeaks?"

They both chuckled as they left the room. Even in the most dire moments, Sam tried to infuse some levity, just to keep sane.

As Carter approached the door to the ICU, she was more then a little worried about the line of questions she had to ask him. She really didn't want to drive Daniel deeper into the _'safe place'_ that we all have inside our minds. But the situation needed his help, or the consequences for the Colonel would be severe.

Right before she entered the isolation room, Teal'c called out to her, "Captain Carter. May I speak with you a moment?"

"Sure, Teal'c. What's up?"

Stepping to the side of the hall, he looked to see if the area was clear. "I would prefer to speak somewhere private, please."

Scrunching her eyebrows together, Sam nodded and led Teal'c back up to the observation deck above Daniel's room. Once there, she turned to the Jaffa, head tilted questioningly.

"Captain Carter, do you recall the symbol of the Jaffa that attacked us?" He asked his young teammate.

"Not really. But then I wasn't in the mood to look real close when we were running for our lives." She smiled at him.

"Indeed." He bowed his head slightly, "Did you notice, however, that we did manage to get away with little pursuit?"

Thinking back, Sam did realize that he was correct. After the initial encounter, the Jaffa did seem to break off rather quickly and did not chase them all the way to the 'gate.

"What are you getting at, Teal'c?" She asked, growing impatient.

The former first prime turned his head and studied the form of his friend that lay unmoving below them.

"The Jaffe were those of Hathor. And she was the one, as you recall, that you, O'Neill and DanielJackson have recently escaped from."

Carter interrupted him, "But she's dead. The Colonel killed her."

"True. However, he was also in her custody for some time. There is an ancient method that I believe even the Tau'ri use to some degree, called suggestive hypnosis. I have concluded that she may have implanted a word or phrase that would alter O'Neill's mindset to one of violence towards one of us. What better way to defeat an enemy then to have them defeat themselves. I also believe she _knew_ that all of us on SG-1 are particularly fond of DanielJackson, as was she."

Sam's face was growing paler with each word he spoke. "Hathor called him _'her beloved'_. She also knew that the Colonel was his best friend."

"And . . ." Teal'c actually seemed uneasy as he continued his thought, "She had raped DanielJackson when we first encountered her here. What better way to completely destroy his spirit then to have him raped again, by his best friend and leader . . . And under her influence?"

Carter collapsed into a chair, "Oh my God!"

Teal'c placed a hand on her shoulder in comfort. "We must find out what the suggestive word or phrase was and have O'Neill deprogrammed, or this will happen again."

"But . . . how?" Sam was at a complete loss. The Goa'uld were getting into psychological warfare now? It's bad enough just having to deal with the overdressed villains with inadequate weapons.

"If I'm not mistaken, O'Neill did have a Goa'uld inserted into him." Teal'c replied.

"Yeah, but the To'kra that was there to help us put him in the cryo chamber right away to kill it."

The Jaffa nodded, "It would not have taken long for it to implant the word, Captain Carter. Should O'Neill have been somehow resistant to the blending, or if you had been rescued, I believe Hathor had, as you would say, _'hedged her bet'_."

Sam grimaced at that. Yeah, she could definitely see that particular bitch doing something like that. Janet was right, it was plan 'B' the got them. Now she was really happy that Hathor wasn't around to gloat.

Staring back down at Daniel, she thought that this may just help him deal with what had happened a little better at least.

"I don't think that the Colonel will know what the word is, but maybe Daniel will." She told Teal'c quietly.

With a bow of his head, he agreed. "You should approach him gently."

Sam took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Standing, she gave the big man a hug, which he returned, and headed down to sit with Daniel.

Yes, slow and easy was the drill today.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

"Unscheduled offworld activation." Sergeant Harriman's voice rang out though the SGC over the klaxon blare.

General Hammond tossed his pen down and quickly left his office for the control room. As he entered, asked his favorite tech, "What do we have, Sergeant?"

"Receiving Master Bra'tac's IDC code now, Sir." The bespectacled man answered.

"Open the iris." General Hammond replied.

He watched as the large silver-grey blockade twisted open with a metallic grind. He felt almost lonely as he stood in the control room. Usually his 2IC was right there with him, cracking wise about one thing or another. George knew his flagship team was imploding and there was very little he could do about it.

The general turned to head down to the 'gate room, saying as he left, "Call Teal'c to meet us . . ."

"I am present, General Hammond." The Jaffa's quiet bass voice intoned behind the retreating man.

Together, both men entered the embarkation room just as Master Bra'tac reached the bottom of the ramp. Bowing his head in respect to his former student and the commander of the Tau'ri, the Jaffa master greeted them.

"Hammond of Texas . . . Teal'c. I come with news that I hope will help your current situation."

"Master Bra'tac, I hope that it is good news. I don't think my people can take much more." General Hammond said.

The three warriors left the 'gateroom and headed to the conference room. As they sat down, Hammond called his aide to have Captain Carter and Dr. Fraiser report A.S.A.P. Two minutes later, both women came in together.

"Sir?" Captain Carter questioned. Then she saw Bra'tac, "Master Bra'tac! Nice to see you again."

"Captain Carter, Dr. Fraiser. I hope you are well." He replied with a slight bow of his head.

General Hammond cleared his throat to gain everyone's attention. "Master Bra'tac has come with news that he feels could help out with our _'little problem'_."

"Yes." The Jaffa master nodded. "We recently were in communication with a To'kra spy. He informed us that a spy named Raleigh was the one that had helped with SG-1's escape from Hathor. Is this correct?"

Three heads nodded their answer.

"Good. Then I am reasonably sure that what I have been told is in fact, true. Colonel O'Neill has been _'brainwashed'_ as you would put it. Not completely, but with a command that would trigger a conditioned response."

It would go to reason that Hathor would try anything to destroy those that would destroy her. And no one new just how long they were under Hathor's influence without the other members of her ruse to witness it.

"Yes, Teal'c and I were just discussing that." Carter interjected. "I was going to speak with Daniel to see if he could think of anything that was . . ."

Bra'tac interrupted her sternly, "No, do not speak with DanielJackson about this, yet. It may not work and we will need to keep him safe."

The silence was deafening. No one had even considered that thought.

"Master Bra'tac," General Hammond broke the stillness, "how do we go about finding this . . . this command? I mean, really. Think of how many words in the universe that could have been used. I do not even think using a giant electro-magnet on this haystack will work to uncover this needle."

Sam smiled at the General's imagery and the fact it most likely went right over the two aliens' heads.

"I do not believe that a _haystack_ is where we will be looking, General Hammond." Teal'c confirmed Sam's thought. "But knowing the Goa'uld as we do, they are far from original. Especially this one."

"That is correct, Teal'c." Bra'tac confirmed, "The To'kra spy believes she has what she thinks would be the most likely phrases."

"Sir," Sam's nervous voice was barely heard, "What about me? Was I influenced at all?"

The Jaffa master shook his head no, "We are quite sure that you were not, Captain Carter. You had the added protection of once being a host. Therefore, the way Hathor was intending on using her _'weapon'_ would not have worked with you. You must remember, she was, as you might say, _'out of the loop'_ for quite some time. Not up to date on all advancements. What she used is not . . . reliable, and . . ." he lowered his voice not wanting to add to his new friends' distress, "very dangerous."

With a deep and weary sigh, George Hammond ran his hand over his face, showing a rare moment of frustration.

Looking up to the group around her, Dr. Fraiser finally spoke up and asked, "So, now what? Do we take your list and put the two of them together and just start spouting out phrases? See which one will trigger the Colonel to attack Daniel?"

Every head turned her way in total astonishment.

"DR. FRAISER!" The General yelled.

"JANET!" Sam shrieked, "I can't believe you just suggested that!"

The small doctor rarely let her self control go, but she was dead tired and beyond annoyed at the whole situation. With her head bowed slightly, she apologized, "I'm sorry, Sir . . . Sam. I must be channeling Colonel O'Neill."

That broke the shock for the moment as everyone gave a small chuckle.

"I understand you're frustration, Doctor. And in reality, you are not far off." Bra'tac said. "If we can put O'Neill in a controlled environment, we will then use the phrases at the same time as we show him photos of DanielJackson. When the one that was used comes up, he _will_ react."

The three humans looked at each other in dismay. "Wouldn't that be pouring gas on an already raging fire?"

Janet answered before the two Jaffa warriors could ask the meaning of the General's words, "Not really, Sir. If we put Colonel O'Neill in one of the ISO rooms, put a feed video of Dr. Jackson on display, then pipe in the phrases one at a time . . . theoretically, it will work. Colonel O'Neill will become agitated and may even try to escape to get at Daniel."

Nodding heads around the table filled in each person's acceptance of the idea. Then Sam spoke up, "What about Daniel? He is still comatose. How are we going to help him?"

Master Bra'tac leaned forward, "I have taken the liberty and asked the To'kra Raleigh to meet me here. She will use the healing device on DanielJackson. It will not heal the emotional or mental damage done, but he will recover physically much faster."

After a pause, General Hammond got up and addressed all present, "Okay people, let's do this. Dr. Fraiser, Captain Carter, please see to Dr. Jackson. I will send this _'Raleigh'_ to you when she gets here. Master Bra'tac, Teal'c, if you would accompany me to visit Colonel O'Neill, we will inform him of our intentions. Dismissed."

****

As Sam and Janet walked into the ISO room, that Daniel was occupying, they dismissed the airman that was standing guard over the distressed archeologist. Janet immediately began to examine her charts and readouts from the various machines he was hooked up to. Sam meanwhile, pulled up a chair and sat next to him. She made sure she was in his direct line of vision. As Sam picked up his hand to hold it, she felt him tense.

"Its okay, Daniel. It's just me. Your friend." She whispered soothingly to him. He opened his eyes and stared blankly at her. Sam's heart broke when she saw his once brilliant blue eyes now dark, distant, and hopeless.

She barely heard him when he muttered, "I have no friends."

Well, if Sam had anything left of her heart, it was gone now. She couldn't hold the tears back. Looking over to Janet, Sam saw that the doctor also heard his words.

"Oh, Daniel!" Sam tried to convey a confidence she didn't feel, "You DO have friends. Friends that . . . love you deeply and are hurting because you are. Please don't say you really believe that we don't."

For a long time he was silent. Eyes closed tight, mouth a clamped in a tight line. He was shaking slightly with internal sobs. He wanted out. Out of the infirmary, out of the mountain, out of Colorado . . . out of his life! Sam squeezed his hand to affirm her words only to have him jerk it away.

"Leave me **alone**!" He growled menacingly at her. "No friends . . . worthless . . . little shit . . . good for nothing . . . waste of skin . . ."

His tears seeped from his sealed eyes and his breath came in gasps. Daniel's body began to jerk and convulse as if being hit with a zat blast. Janet rushed over and put a sedative shot into his IV shunt. After a few moments, he stilled.

Sam looked up to her friend, "What just happened? It was like he wasn't even here. He sounded like a little child."

Janet motioned for Sam to follow her out of the room. As they left, the airman took his station again. Walking into the doctor's office, Janet closed the door.

"What I am about to tell you could get me barred from practicing medicine. I am going into a clear case of divulging information that falls under doctor/patient confidentiality. But as a friend to that young man, I really feel I have to do this, and you are the only one I can trust."

Sam let out a long sigh and sank into a chair. She nodded her head in acquiescence.

"Daniel, as you already know, was in foster care for quite some time as a child. Some of the places he was in had physically and emotionally abused him. He has never gone into therapy for any of it, preferring instead to internalize all his grief. It's not healthy, but it's not something that anyone can force him to stop.

"I think that he had finally come to a place in his life where he thought he had a family that cared for him. Just him. As is . . . no expectations. He told me that he really felt as if Jack and Teal'c were his big brothers, you a sister. Although, I think he may have deeper feelings for you then just that, but you didn't hear that from me. Now, with all that has happened . . . I believe he is regressing to that _'safe place'_ he created and lived in for eight years of his young life. A place he may have thought he didn't need any longer."

Sam let everything her friend said sink in slowly. This was such a mess. Why didn't she kill Hathor when she had the chance two years before?

The phone in Janet's office rang startling them both.

"Fraiser." She answered. Pausing for a moment, she said, "Thank you. Please escort her down to the ISO-2. We will meet you there."

Hanging up, Dr. Fraiser turned to Sam, "Raleigh is here."

"I hope this works, Janet." Sam confessed.

"Me too."

****

After the sedative wore off, the whole scene from the clearing played over and over in Jack's head. He kept trying to find something . . . anything that would vindicate him.

Maybe it was an implanted memory. But then why would everyone tell him that Daniel was cationic because of what _he_ did? Okay, then, he did do something, but maybe it wasn't really him. Maybe Daniel had this happen and only _thought_ that it was him that did it. That can't be right either. Why would he have the memories of actually doing . . . it? Of . . . raping his best friend. He knew that it was him. He could feel the aftermath of being really sore when they got back from P2X – whatever. At first, he didn't think anything of it. Now . . . now it made him physically ill.

When the door to Colonel O'Neill's cell opened, he didn't even look around to see who it was.

"Colonel O'Neill." General Hammond's voice was grave, "We need to take you to an ISO room. Master Bra'tac has come here to help us find out what was done to you."

Jack sat up quickly. "Then I didn't do what Carter said I did?" His tone hopeful to the extreme.

"I'm afraid that you did, Jack," Hammond's tone was softer, "But it seems more then likely, it was not with your consent."

O'Neill's head dropped down to his chest. So he did rape him. There was no denying it was him that destroyed someone so gentle . . . Jack felt as if he would be sick.

"O'Neill," Teal'c came in and sat beside his commander and friend. "This thing that was done to DanielJackson was not entirely your doing. We have reason to believe that you have _'programmed'_ to act a certain way when a word or phrase is said. We think that . . . Hathor is behind all of this pain."

Jack was on his feet faster then anyone could see. "**WHAT?!**" He screamed. "I killed that bitch! What more can she do to us?!"

"Colonel O'Neill! Stand down!" The General ordered. "We are going to get this fixed, but if you do not cooperate, we will have to proceed with a court marshal for you. I don't want that to happen, knowing that this whole incident may not have been avoidable."

Jack took several deep breathes and tried to simmer down. Once he felt he could keep his temper somewhat under control, he turned to his C.O.

"Okay, General." O'Neill said, standing at attention, "I'm ready. You will not have any more trouble with me, Sir."

"Glad to hear that, Colonel. Now then, we will be escorting you to an ISO room and you will be presented with a video feed of Dr. Jackson as we pipe in various phrases that may be what was used to trigger your conditioned response. Once we find that trigger, we will be able to _'deprogram'_ you. You could help us if you can remember anything that was out of the ordinary when the Jaffa attacked you."

Jack thought about this as they all made their way to the room that was set up for him. Once there, he was left by himself in the empty room. As the others went to the observation deck to watch him, Jack recalled one thing that he hadn't thought was weird at the time, but now . . .

"General, the Jaffa were yelling at us as they started the attack. Something about _'destroying you'_ or some such thing as that." He shrugged his shoulders, "Don't know if that will help, but normally, they don't say anything."

"Thank you, Jack. We will start in a moment."

General Hammond turned to Bra'tac and questioned him, "Is that phrase one that is listed?"

"Something very similar, yes. Do you wish to start with that one?"

Shaking his head no, he answered, "Let's start with one that seems most unlikely. Let's get a negative to confirm a positive."

Bowing to the General's wishes, Bra'tac turned to the microphone and began as the video started playing in O'Neill's room. Jack watched with a deep seeded pain in his heart as the photos of his friend began to show. He was only half listening to the words that were being spoken.

"'_You will take the lives of your friends'._" Bra'tac started.

No reaction.

"'_You will witness their deaths through your own eyes . . . helplessly'._"

Still nothing from the second phrase, he looked over to Hammond with a questioning look. A nod from the General, Bra'tac said, "_'We will destroy . . .'_"

At that statement, Jack's whole disposition changed. He grew stiff with anger and began to pace restlessly. He started mumbling in irate tones. As he turned his attention towards the video, he saw a smiling image of Daniel that sent him into a tirade. Screaming, O'Neill ran at the video monitor and tried to rip it from the wall.

"Let me out of here **NOW**!" He howled, "That arrogant little bastard is the whole problem, _not me_. He did this to me, he's lying . . . I never touched him! He's just a weak, insignificant piece of shit. I'm not letting my whole career go down in flames because of him! Let me OUT!"

Jack began to hurl himself against the door, banging on it and screaming. "JACKSON, YOU PRICK! I'M GOING TO GET YOU FOR THIS! I TOLD YOU NOT TO SAY ANYTHING, ASSHOLE! IF I'M GOING DOWN, I'M TAKIN' YOU WITH ME! _JACKSON_!"

In the booth, the three men watched as their friend and leader raged on. The General looked over to Bra'tac and asked, "Okay, we know what started this . . . now how are you going to stop it?"

With a small smile the Jaffa warrior turned back to the microphone, "Jaffa, u'tec kree!"

Jack fell unconscious into a heap on the floor.

Hammond's mouth hung open. "What happened?"

"Fail safe phrase. Used on all Jaffa that have undergone this conditioning." Teal'c answered the General, "Now we can enter and work to deprogram O'Neill."

With a sigh, Bra'tac turned to General Hammond, "Hammond of Texas, it will not be as easy for DanielJackson to grasp that this was not his friends doing. I am sure that was Hathor's whole agenda."

"Let's tackle this first. When Dr. Jackson is physically well, we will work with him then."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_A/N: Thanks to WhiteElfElder for giving me a great line to use and for letting me use it! You're the best!_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four **

In the infirmary, Raleigh went to work on Daniel with the healing device. It didn't take too long to fix all his physical problems. But when she was done, he still didn't move from his fetal position.

"There is nothing more I can do, Doctor. I'm sorry that we cannot help him with his mental trauma."

Dr. Fraiser gave the visiting To'kra a tight smile, "Thank you for what you were able to do."

As the SF escort followed Raleigh out of the ISO room, Sam and Janet went back over to their friend. He was still sleeping from the sedative that the doctor had to give him earlier.

"How long do you think he'll be out?" Sam asked.

Shaking her head, Janet shrugged. "He really should've been awake by now. I didn't give him that big of a dose."

Sam nodded and looked back to him, brushing the hair off his forehead. He looked so sad, even asleep.

"I'm going to sit with him for a while, Janet."

"That's fine. I'll go and see how Bra'tac is doing with Colonel O'Neill."

Sam pulled the blanket up and tucked it in around Daniel. She was really worried about him. His words earlier went right through her. She had always harbored a little self-pity about growing up without her mom. Now, she realized how lucky she was to of had a dad that loved her and a big brother that looked out for her. Daniel had no one. And now she finds out that he was abused. How in the world did this man grow up to be so soft-spoken and gentle?

As she let her mind wander, she held Daniel's hand and petted his head softly.

Sam began to whisper to him, "It will be okay, Daniel. I promise. I won't let anything happen to you. You _are_ my friend, Daniel. Don't ever think I'm not. You're my best friend and I love you . . ."

She noticed his eyes flutter open and focus onto hers.

"Sam?" His voice was gravelly and quiet.

"I'm here, Daniel." She sniffed, trying to fix a smile on her face, "How do you feel?"

He closed his eyes again, his forehead scrunched up, "M'kay, I guess. My head feels all . . . muzzy . . ."

She giggled, "Muzzy? Is that a real word?"

A small smile played around his lips, "It is now."

Sam was happy to see that he seemed to be in better spirits. "You want to get out of here?" She asked him.

Lifting up his hand showing her that he was still hooked up to the IV, he said, "I'm kind'a tethered."

Sam gave him a wicked grin and stood up, "Janet showed me how to disconnect it from your shunt. Soooo . . ."

"Yeah, I'd love to get out of here. But can you scarf me up some real clothes first?"

"You bet!" She laughed, "I'll be back in a moment, okay?"

Nodding, Daniel smiled at her. When she left the room though, something started to bug her about his smile. It didn't reach his eyes and seemed almost . . . deceitful. Not his normal, brilliant, out shine the sun, smile. Shaking her head, she dismissed it, not wanting to make a mountain out of a molehill. He had, after all, just been though a horrible trauma. The least she could do was cut him some slack.

When Sam came back into Daniel's room with his BDU's, he was sitting up waiting for her.

"Here you go. I'll wait outside." She told him.

"Ah, Sam?"

"Yeah?"

Daniel lifted his right arm, showing her that he was still hooked up to the IV.

"Oops, sorry." She laughed quietly. Carefully she detached the line that led to the shunt in his hand, he was then free to get dressed, "I'll be . . ." Sam told him again, pointing out the door.

Nodding, Daniel began to change out of the dreaded hospital scrubs and get into his work clothes. When he was ready, he walked out to find Sam leaning against the wall waiting.

"Want to get something to eat?" She asked him.

"Sure, sound good." Again with the unusual smile, "And some coffee, too."

****

When Bra'tac entered the ISO room that O'Neill was unconscious on the floor of, he went over to the prone man and placed his hand on his head. Mumbling an old chant that only Teal'c could understand, the Jaffa master began to run his hands over Jack's face. Softly he lifted the colonel's head and worked his fingers around to the back of his neck. All while chanting and murmuring an ancient ritual.

Slowly, Jack came around. His eyes were unfocused and dazed. When he tried to sit up, Bra'tac held him down.

"Not yet, warrior." He told O'Neill quietly, "You must rest for a few moments first. Can you tell me your name?"

"Ummm," Jack closed his eyes again and thought for a minute, "Jonathan O'Neill. Colonel, US Air Force."

Bra'tac smiled. "Good. Do you remember what happened between you and DanielJackson?"

At that question, Jack's face took on a steeled look. His eyes, however betrayed the feelings he did not want to show. "Yes . . . unfortunately."

Teal'c kneeled down beside his commander. "O'Neill. How are you feeling?"

"Like a Mac truck hit me several times."

"That is good. It means you are alive." Bra'tac smiled.

"We will destroy . . ." Teal'c said behind O'Neill's back, at the same time he showed him a photo of Daniel.

Jack turned around and looked at him with one eyebrow raised, "Huh?!"

"Just making sure, O'Neill." The big Jaffa warrior nodded.

Offering his hand, Bra'tac pulled Jack onto his feet. Both Jaffa warriors held him steady as the colonel regained his equilibrium. General Hammond pulled a chair from the hallway into the room for Jack to sit in.

"Colonel," his C.O. addressed him, "I need to have you remain in confinement for the time being. However, I will let you back into your quarters instead of the brig."

Jack nodded his head slowly. "I understand, Sir." Then with a pained look, asked the question that he really wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer too. "How's Daniel?"

Taking a deep breath, the General laid it on the line, "I won't lie to you, Jack. He's not good. You messed him up very bad, both mentally and physically. I just received word that the To'kra has finished working on him with the healing device, but the emotional anguish cannot be overcome with technology."

Jack's head dropped. Eyes closed, jaw clenched, he tried to go through some stress relief techniques that Teal'c had taught him recently. When they didn't work, he sighed and looked back up at the General.

"Can I see him before I get locked away, Sir?"

"I'm sorry, son, but no. I don't think that would be a good idea just yet." The sympathy in the older mans voice was just too much for Jack to handle.

But he pulled out his black ops training and got himself under control. Nodding his acceptance, he stood up. "Yes, Sir. I understand."

Just then the doors opened and Dr. Fraiser walked in. Looking at the four men, she registered that the treatment Bra'tac had must have worked.

"I'll want to give you a quick exam, Colonel." She told O'Neill, trying to keep the ice out of her voice.

"Can it wait until he has had some rest, Doctor?" General Hammond asked.

"For now, yes. But I will need it done soon."

They all left the ISO room together. Each with the hope that this was the start of ending this nightmare.

****

As Sam and Daniel walked down to the commissary in silence, she was starting to wonder if there was something else really wrong with him. He wasn't acting like himself. Then she thought of how _she_ would be acting if her best friend had just raped _her_. Deciding to let it go and wait for him to make the first move, Sam kept quiet.

When they entered the commissary, she watched him out of the corner of her eye. Daniel's head was down and his arms wrapped tight around himself. He was also much more nervous then just a moment ago when they were in the ISO room. As they got their usual snack of blue Jell-O, they found a table tucked in a corner, away from everyone.

The stillness between them was disconcerting. They had always found _something_ to talk about. She was still scrutinizing him with concern. Every now and then he would look up at the other people in the room with such distrust in his eyes, that it unnerved her.

In between mouthfuls of his Jell-O, Daniel asked, "Are we scheduled to go out on any missions soon?"

Sam was surprised by the question. "Ah, no . . . Daniel." She answered him, confused. "We're on stand down until we get everything that happened on P2X-138 resolved."

"Oh." He murmured. "Well, if I pass the medical, will we then?"

Now Sam was even more troubled. It was like he didn't remember what had happened to him only two days ago. She began to wonder if he completely blocked the whole ordeal out.

"Daniel," she decided to venture into no-mans land, "do you _know_ what happened on that planet?"

"Sure." He shrugged, "I found my tablet, some Jaffa attacked, and Jack got pissed off at me . . . pretty much a normal mission. I must of gotten wounded too, since I was in the infirmary. I guess I don't recall that part. But like Jack says, 'I'm a trouble magnet'."

His attempt at humor and the mock smile that accompanied it, was eerie. Sam Carter sat in an utter disbelief. She couldn't fathom what was going on in her friend's head. What's more, she wasn't sure if she should be the one to tell him what _really_ went on between he and the Colonel.

Standing up she said, "Come on. Let's go see if Janet is around to check you out."

Shrugging, Daniel quickly finished his snack and fell into step behind her. Again they didn't speak as they walked back to the infirmary. With his eyes downcast and arms firmly wrapped in the self hug he always adopted when in distress, Sam was really worried that something _had_ snapped in Daniel's head.

As they turned the corner to head to Janet's office, they saw General Hammond, Teal'c, Bra'tac, Dr. Frasier and Jack walking towards them. Sam tried to push Daniel back the way they had come so he didn't see O'Neill, but it was too late.

As soon as he locked eyes onto the Colonel, Daniel stopped dead. Jack stopped also, watching him. Everyone present was on pins and needles, waiting to see what was going to happen. Much to their surprise, it was Jack that made the first move, coming forward to face Daniel. It wasn't in a threatening manner, more in fact, he seemed very hesitant.

"Daniel," Jack said quietly, "I know it may not sound like much, but . . . I'm sorry."

Sam looked over at the man next to her, then stepped away from him. His eyes were dead, like a shark's. Without a warning, Daniel attacked Jack viciously.

A howl of rage that would have scared a rabid bear erupted from the usually quiet archeologist. He grabbed O'Neill by the head and smashed him against the stone wall of the corridor. Then pulling him back away from the wall, Daniel punched Jack in the stomach several times. The attack was so startling that no one moved in to separate the two men at first. Then Bra'tac and Teal'c ran forward and tried to break it up.

Daniel was so blinded by his wrath; he caught Bra'tac with an upper cut that actually floored the old Jaffa warrior. He went right back to pounding Jack in the face with such force, everyone there heard his nose break and shrank back from the blood that spurted from it.

"Gep 'm th' f'ck opf me . . ." O'Neill yelled trying to cover his head for protection.

Teal'c stepped in and wrapped his arms around Daniel from behind, effectively immobilizing his arms. Still struggling with such fierceness, the younger man pulled his feet up and pushed off the nearest wall knocking Teal'c off balance. When they both hit the floor, Daniel scrambled out of the big man's hold and went after Jack again, screaming at the top of his voice.

"YOU WILL _NEVER_ TOUCH ME AGAIN!"

He managed to trip up O'Neill as the colonel tried to run the other way. Daniel sat on top of him, seething in fury. With each word he yelled, Jack was the recipient of a brutal punch.

"YOU FUCK . . . YOU BASTARD . . . I HATE YOU! HATE YOU!"

The SF's came in full force and dragged the archeologist off of the Colonel. Dr. Fraiser came up behind him and tried to give Daniel a shot to knock him out. Still struggling with inhuman strength against the marine guards, he managed to hit Janet in the face, sending her crashing to the floor. At that point, Teal'c grabbed the needle and injected it into Daniel's neck.

"I'LL KILL YOU, _HAYES_ . . . I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Daniel shouted.

As the drug started to kick in his speech began to slur, "I'm not gonna . . . let you h'rt . . . me no more! B'stard! No more p, pain . . . pl, 'ease . . . Do 'not hurt . . . me! Mom . . .mommy, where 're you? 'lease . . ."

Sobbing, the young man finally succumbed to the sedative and collapsed into the arms of Teal'c.

The entire crowd present in the hallway let out a collective breath. With everything that the SGC has seen since they started interplanetary exploration, no one would ever disagree that this was one of the scariest things that they had ever witnessed.

****

It was close to midnight when Sam heard the colonel stir. Groaning, he put his hand to his nose tenderly. With a disgruntled sigh, he let it flop back down. His face ached. His ribs ached. His head ached. Jack couldn't believe how hard Daniel, geeky, scrawny, little Daniel could hit. Of course, he had never seen him that enraged before either.

"How you doing, Sir?" Sam asked him quietly.

Trying to open his eyes, he turned his head towards her voice. "Peachy."

She gave a soft laugh. Knowing how sarcastic her C.O. was, she knew he was hurting something fierce. Taking a warm towel she began to dab at his eyes carefully. When Sam pulled the cloth away, Jack was able to get one eye open halfway.

"Carter." His voice was hoarse and he winced in pain when he took a breath.

"Don't talk, Sir. You have a couple of cracked ribs, a broken nose and a mild concussion. Other then that, you're the picture of health."

She immediately felt bad at cracking the joke when he started to laugh and moaned in pain.

"Sorry, Sir."

"Its okay, Carter. Just . . . no more jokes." He told her.

"Can I get you anything? Want some ice chips?"

With his slight nod, she got up to get a cup of ice for him. On the way, she ducked her head into Dr. Fraiser's office to let her know he was awake.

When the diminutive doctor walked in, Jack eyed her with suspicion.

"What's that look for, Colonel?" She asked him with an amused tone.

"Just looking for the needle."

With a smile she was happy to report to him, "No needles this time. I already got you when you were out cold."

"Figures."

Sam came back in with the cup of ice and spooned some into his mouth. He had never felt anything as nice as the ice melting down his sore throat. After two more spoonfuls, he shook his head that he was done.

"So . . . how long am I in here for?" He asked.

"At the very least a couple of days, Sir." Janet responded. She knew he would complain, he always did.

"Nazi."

"You bet." At least he was in a good mood. After a beating like the one he took, she was surprised.

Jack tried to move into a more upright position only to groan in pain. He wanted to see around him, thinking that his attacker would also be there.

"Don't move, Colonel. If you need something, just ask." Janet told him in her most firm voice.

"Daniel?"

"He's . . . okay." She answered him, "He's in an isolation room, under sedation."

That's when Jack noticed the black eye that Janet was sporting. He lifted his hand and pointed at her, forehead wrinkled in concern.

"Yes," She nodded at him, "He did this. It's not the first black eye I've gotten . . . but . . ."

"It's the most painful, right?" Jack finished for her.

Yep, they were on the same wavelength. Neither of them could believe that this was done to them by Daniel.

Looking back over to Carter, Jack asked her, "How is he . . . really?"

Shrugging, she couldn't answer him. "I don't know, Colonel. It was like . . . That wasn't Daniel. He didn't seem right the moment he woke up after the To'kra healed his injuries, but I sure didn't expect that. And I don't think that he was really attacking you . . ."

"Felt like it!" He smirked at her.

"That's not what I mean." Sam brushed off his attempt at humor, "He called you . . . _Hayes_."

Janet's head jerked up when she heard that. "Did you say that Daniel called the Colonel, _Hayes_?"

"Yeah . . . why?"

"Oh my God." Janet when pale for a moment.

"What is it, Janet?" Both Jack and Sam asked at the same time.

"Hayes was one of the foster parents that Daniel had when he was about twelve. He was only with them for six months . . . but judging from his medical reports . . . most of those were spent in the emergency room."

The silence was overwhelming. Each sunk into their own thoughts at this revelation. Janet knew she shouldn't say anything else, and she knew a good chunk of the story just from his records.

Sam didn't want her best friend to be going through this much pain, knowing he wouldn't talk about it.

And Jack felt as if the world just crashed down upon him. _He_ did this to Daniel. _He_ caused his friend to relive a demoralizing time in his life . . . and all because of Hathor. Now he wished he didn't kill her so quickly.


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: This is a fairly intense chapter, kind of like the first one was. I just wanted to give everyone a warning._

**Chapter Five**

"Sir, we need to talk." Dr. Fraiser said in her no nonsense voice.

General Hammond looked up from his desk, slightly amused at seeing his CMO enter without knocking. He knew she would not normally do that.

"Yes, Doctor?" He replied, motioning her to have a seat.

"It's Dr. Jackson, Sir. I can't keep him under sedation much longer. It's not healthy. And when I do bring him around, he's still going to have to be kept in an isolation room as a protection to himself _and_ Colonel O'Neill."

Letting out a heavy sigh, Hammond pinched the bridge of his nose in effort to ward off the oncoming migraine. "I understand, Doctor."

"No, Sir." She shot back at him, "I don't think you do. With all due respect, Sir, we have a very serious problem here. One that no one in this facility is trained in handling."

"What do you mean?"

"How Dr. Jackson acted in the hallway, is _not_ who he is . . ."

"That is painfully obvious, Doctor. The Dr. Jackson _I_ know wouldn't have attacked his friend. The Dr. Jackson _I_ know wouldn't be able to floor a Jaffa Master in _one_ punch **and** the Dr. Jackson _I _know would not, under any circumstances hit a woman . . ." General Hammond pointed to the black and blue eye Janet was now the owner of.

She grimaced and lightly touched her eye. "I have talked with Captain Carter, Bra'tac, and Colonel O'Neill and found out something that happened I didn't know about."

"Such as?"

"Such as . . . When he was hitting Jack, Daniel called him another name . . . Hayes. I know from his medical records, that Hayes was one of the families he stayed with when in foster care. Sir, Daniel has regressed back to his childhood. We can't deal with that here. At least not with present staff. We need to bring in a specialist."

"What about Dr. Mackenzie?"

Janet shook her head, "No, Sir. He would be fine if Daniel were . . . well, if he was acting his age. Right now, he needs a child psychiatrist with experience in child sexual abuse. But also he will need one with a high level of clearance."

"Why is that? If he has regressed as you say . . . then he won't know about the Stargate Program."

"Sir," Dr. Fraiser sighed, "I don't know at any given time when the beaten and scared twelve year old in foster care is here, or when the beaten and scared 34 year old in the Stargate Program is going to surfaces. That is why we need to A.) Keep him here on base and B.) Have someone come to him."

This was getting more and more complicated. George Hammond was almost jealous of O'Neill's handy habit of feigning ignorance. Nodding, he said, "I'll see who I can get. There may be some former military personal that has gone into child psychiatry. They may be able to get the clearance we need."

"Thank you, Sir."

She stood and left the room just as the general reached for his phone.

****

Sam watched as Dr. Fraiser checked over Daniel. She had begun to lower the dose of sedative he was receiving. The captain was deep in thought when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Sam" Janet said in a soft voice, "you need to go home and get some rest. You're not going to be any help if you make yourself sick."

"I know, but I really can't, Janet. I know deep down that Daniel can't wake up alone. If he really has gone back to being a child, he'll be really scared. Someone has to be here for him."

"What am I, chopped liver?" The doctor joked.

Carter actually smiled at that and gave her friend a hug, "That's not what I mean. You're a doctor, official in the eyes of child. He'll need a friend."

Knowing that she wasn't going to win this round with Sam, Janet nodded. "Okay, you can stay. But I will be kicking you out in the morning, at least to one of the barrack rooms."

"Yes, Ma'am!" Sam saluted the smirking doctor.

Janet gave her patient another sad look and turned to go, leaving him in the capable hands of Carter. As Sam pulled up a chair to sit with her friend, she wondered what kind of hell he must have gone through as a child. Seeing your own parents crushed to death and then being subjugated to the _'system'_ had to be hard enough without the added trauma of mental and physical abuse at the hands of those that are _supposed_ to care for you.

She reached out and ran her fingers through his hair and whispered a lullaby her mom used to sing to her when she was sick or scared. Sam stared into the serene face of her friend. He seemed so vulnerable and innocent right now, it almost made her cry. She just wanted to wrap him up in a protective hug and never let go. Taking his hand in hers, she laid her had down on the bed and closed her eyes for a light cat-nap.

After a while Daniel's mind began to wake. He felt a warm hand holding his and another petting his head. Leaning into the soft touch he murmured, "Ma?"

Startled into full alert, Sam lifted her eyes to look at the man before her.

"Daniel? Are you okay?" She asked quietly.

"Ma? I don't feel good. My head hurts . . . bad." Licking his lips he whimpered.

He sounded so small and fragile. Sam wasn't sure if she should play into his delusion or not. He still hadn't opened his eyes and when he did, he wouldn't see his mother . . . but would he see his friend or a stranger?"

"Daniel, can you open your eyes for me?" She asked.

At first Sam thought that he had fallen back asleep, but then she saw his clouded blue eyes looking back at her. His brows furrowed as he stared, unfocused at her.

"Where's daddy?" He looked around, fear starting to show in his face. "Ma? Where are we? What's happened? Daddy?"

Sam couldn't stop the tears from spilling out of her eyes. She had no clue how to handle this.

"Oh Daniel . . . don't you know me?"

He smirked at her rolling his eyes, "Mooooom."

She let out a choked sob. Squeezing his hand she stood up, thinking that maybe he just couldn't see her properly. He wasn't wearing his glasses, but Sam knew that was grasping at straws. She didn't look anything like his mother.

"Daniel, please. Look at me and tell me who you see?" She pleaded with him.

He was confused. She didn't know who she was? Did she have amnesia? Daniel was worried that something very bad had happened to him and his family.

"You're my mommy. Why are we here? Where's Daddy? Mommy . . . I want to go home." He started to cry and ball up on the bed.

Biting her lip, Sam leaned over and took him into her arms. She was crying also and knew that wasn't going to help any. She felt Daniel hanging on to her for dear life. Fisting her shirt in his hands he continued his questions in a child's voice.

"You're scaring me mommy. Why are we here? Please . . . what's happened to Daddy?"

Janet came in to the scene and rushed over to them. She saw how anxious Sam was and then heard Daniel's pitiful sobs. She put her hand on his back and began to rub it in a comforting way.

"Daniel?" Janet spoke quietly, "Daniel, do you know where you are?"

He looked up and saw the doctor and immediately buried his head back into Sam's shoulder, holding her close for protection.

"Please, Daniel can you tell me how old you are?"

"Six." He replied softly.

Janet exchanged upset looks with Sam. "Who is holding you?"

"My mommy."

Closing her eyes, she let out a heavy sigh. This was worse then she thought. Glancing back up at Sam she motioned that she was going to get General Hammond. Sam nodded and continued to rub and hold Daniel as she would any hurting child.

"It'll be okay, Daniel. I promise." She soothed.

He leaned back and looked at her with an expression of fear mingled with trust. Sniffling, he wiped his face with his shirt, then asked, "Did I do somethin' wrong, Mom?"

Shocked by the questioned, Sam just shook her head no.

"You only call me Daniel when I'm in trouble. I must' a done somethin'." His lower lip started to quiver as he tried to hold back more tears.

"No, Dan . . . Danny. You did nothing wrong. You . . . just had a little . . . accident and now we have to find out how to get you better. Okay?"

Daniel looked down forlornly. He was frightened and worried and would not let Sam go. She had become his lifeline.

"Where is Sudi? I lost Sudi!" he cried.

Sam looked at him confused, "Who?"

"My camel. Sudi. Daddy gave him to me for luck. Remember?"

She assumed it was a stuffed animal and filed that information away to make sure she got one for him later.

"I think . . . um . . . Sudi is at home, Danny. Okay? I'll try and find him when you go back to sleep for a while."

That seemed to help him enormously. He actually calmed down quite a bit when she told him that his obviously favorite toy was okay. She only hoped that what ever camel she could find would be close enough to what his was like to work.

Dr. Fraiser came back in with General Hammond in tow and approached quietly. When they saw that Sam was rocking Daniel and humming to him to keep him calmed down the general shook his head. This was a mess. How had things gotten so bad so quick? Sam looked up and saw them and gently pushed Daniel to sit up.

"Danny, there's some people that would like to see you." She told him softly.

Looking around, his eyes got wide when he saw the General and he shrank back against Sam. "Mommy?!"

Hammond tried to fight back a wince when he heard Daniel speak like a child. In the voice he usually reserves for his granddaughters, he addressed the stricken archeologist.

"Dr. Ja . . . Daniel, how are you?" He asked. When he didn't answer, the General continued, "My name is General George Hammond, do you remember me?"

Daniel glanced up at Sam for a moment then shook his head no.

"Okay. Well I know you very well and I am going to be introducing you to a very nice Doctor that will help you get better. Is that all right with you?"

With his eyes drifting over to Janet, it was apparent that he thought Hammond had meant her.

"No, no. Not Doctor Fraiser. You already know her, right?"

Again Daniel shook his head no.

Letting out a sigh, the career military man almost broke. "Do you know who that is holding you?"

Glancing up at Sam he have her a small smile and said, "My mom." He looked back to the General then and asked, "Do you know where my dad is, Sir?"

"No, son, I don't at this time. Why don't you get some sleep right now, okay? I have to talk with the Doctor here and with Captain . . . I mean, your mom, for a minute."

Daniel grabbed hold of Sam's arms in a painful clench. He didn't realize that even though his head said he was six, his body was 34. She hissed softly and he reeled back upset that he hurt her, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry . . . I didn't mean to . . ."

Just then, his eyes got very unfocused and hazy. He slumped forward briefly against Sam and when he came back up, he looked alarmed.

"Sam? What's goin' on?"

"Danny?" She asked him confused by the sudden change.

He smiled at her and chuckled, "Since when have you started to call me 'Danny'? Jack's the only one that does that. Well, him and your dad." He looked around and saw the stunned faces of General Hammond and Dr. Frasier staring at him. "What's going on?"

Janet stepped forward, pulling out her pen light. "May I look in your eyes?"

Shrugging he answered, "Sure."

As she flashed the bright light into his eyes, she asked, "Do you know your name? Where you are?"

He snorted, "Ah . . . Yeah. Daniel Jackson. I am at the SGC and apparently in the infirmary . . . again. Why? Did I get knocked out or something?"

"What's the last thing you remember, Daniel?" She questioned him without answering his query.

"Walking with Sam to see you. We were just getting a snack at the commissary. Did I fall?"

"No, Daniel, you didn't. Would you please lay down right for now? The General, Sam and I have to talk a minute."

"Janet . . ." Daniel looked at her pleadingly, "What's happened? Why am I in here?"

"I can only tell you that . . . you've been severely traumatized and I need you to remain calm and lay down. Okay? I will be back in a moment . . . hopefully with someone that is better trained in this kind of . . . ordeal."

"Ordeal? Traumatized?" Daniel was not going to lie down and behave until someone coughed up some answers. "Sam? Please! What happened?"

The tears escaped from her eyes with the look that he gave her. "Oh, Daniel . . . just now you thought you were six years old. You thought _I_ was your mom."

He laughed. "Right! You don't look anything like my mom did, Sam. Not that you're not just as pretty . . ."

"Dr. Jackson, it's true." General Hammond piped up, "you were behaving just like a six year old. You didn't know either of us," he indicated Dr. Fraiser and himself, "and you told us that Captain Carter was your mother."

"This is nuts. Have you all lost your minds? This isn't funny."

Taking Daniel's hand in one of hers, Sam pulled his face around with her other one to look at her. "Do you still want me to find Sudi for you?"

Surprise at her words he pulled back away from her. "Wh . . . where . . . where did you find out about Sudi?"

"You asked me to get him for you, Daniel. Just a few minutes ago. Now do you understand why we are all so worried about you?"

With his eye glazing over he thought back to the last time he had Sudi with him. He had lost his stuffed camel on the boat back to the states from Egypt. He had cried for days. Now he was asking his friend to find it for him. My god, he _has_ lost his mind.

"Why? Why did this happen?" He asked those assembled.

Dr. Fraiser spoke first, "We really can't tell you that, Daniel. You have to wait until the specialist gets here."

Sam slid off his bed and Daniel finally laid down. His mind in turmoil. As the rest of them turned to leave, he asked, "Janet . . . I know I don't ever ask for this, but . . . can you give me something . . . to help me sleep, please?"

That was even more worrisome then his ping-ponging up and down memory lane. Daniel Jackson never asked for drugs. He hated them more then he hated the Goa'uld.

"I'll give you a very light dose, Daniel. Okay?"

He nodded. His head was throbbing. Sleep was the only escape he could think of, but he knew he wouldn't go to sleep if he didn't have help. What the hell was happening to him now? As the medicine kicked in, he closed his eyes . . . unfortunately, it wouldn't stop the dreams.

_Screams. Deafening screams in the darkness. When the light came on he saw the world that he was reduced too . . . upside down. Hanging by his ankles in a shower stall, stripped to only his under-roos, he saw the man he feared and hated most in his young life. Brent Hayes. He leered at the boy with an evil grin._

_"Not gonna fight me any more now, are ya Danny?" He asked blowing putrid breathes in the boys face._

_All Daniel could do was whimper and nod. Hayes lifted the boy off the hook he was hanging from and lowered him to the ground where he collapsed. It had only been an hour, but his legs just wouldn't hold him up. Hayes laughed at him._

_"Leigh won't be back until tomorrow so we have plenty of time to . . . get to . . . know each other . . . a lot better."_

_Curling up into a tight ball, Daniel tried his hardest to go elsewhere in his mind. Whispering the names of the pharoses and when they ruled, in Egyptian, he was whisked away. Away to a place he loved with the people he loved._

_It was bright. The morning dawned hot and dry. Watching sand devils swirling in the wind he played with his camel._

_"Danny! It's time to go sweetie." The most wonderful voice in the entire world sang out to him. Looking up he saw his mother walking over to him and sweeping him up in a huge hug. He laughed and squirmed in her embrace. Arching back, he let himself fall backwards knowing that his father was there to catch him. It was a game they played all the time._

_Only this time it wasn't his father that caught him . . . It was Hayes. He let out a scream and scrambled away from the man that was fondling him. As he pushed the vile hands away from his body, he kicked out and nailed the man right in the groin._

_Eyes wide with terror, Daniel howled out, "I'm sorry . . . I'm sorry . . . I didn't mean to . . . please . . ."_

_Raising his hands to protect himself, he felt the blow break his right arm. The pain was intense. Then came more punches. And darkness . . ._

_It was dim, with multi-colored patters on the floor from a stained glass window. Looking around he heard his parents talking. With a grin, Daniel raced towards the sound, happy that he had found them. Just as he rounded the corner, a tremendous crash rang out and he saw the heavy cover stone brake from the chain and fall. His parents were just standing there, smiling at him, like nothing was wrong. They didn't even flinch at the sound. Just stood . . . and waved to him . . ._

_"NOOOOOOOO!!!" Daniel screamed._

_His head was shoved down onto a tree trunk. Something was in his mouth and he could get it out. His hands were bound and his jaw hurt like hell. Was this Hayes again? Why was he outside?_

_"It is time for you to learn something, Dr. Jackson." The familiar voice from behind him growled._

_Just then he felt his insides being torn apart as he was penetrated violently. Trying to fight his attacker off he shouted . . . this time the gag wasn't there, but his voice was that of a child's._

_"Noooo! I'm sorry . . . I'm sorry . . . please . . ."_

_The pain was excruciating. He turned to glance behind him but instead of seeing O'Neill as he thought he would, he saw Hayes pumping into him. Daniel closed his eyes to try and escape, but then he heard his mother's voice._

_"Its okay, Danny. We will buy you a new camel." She soothed to him, rubbing his face as the man behind him continued to slam into his ass._

_"It's for luck you know, Danny." His father whispered in his ear. "You keep him safe and you will always have luck with you. That's why his name is Sudi."_

_The man behind him just wouldn't stop. The pain was growing and growing. Daniel tried to cry, but nothing came out. He looked up and saw his friends Sam and Teal'c, standing by . . . board . . . just watching as he was raped. Then he turned his head a little and saw that is parents were watching him as if he were reciting the alphabet, no concern at all at what was happening to their son. Glancing over his should again he saw Jack. Anger burning in his eyes._

_"Now you will know who you take orders from on this team, Jackson." O'Neill told him._

_"Please," Daniel whispered through his tears, "I'm sorry Daddy, I didn't mean to lose Sudi. Mommy? Does Daddy hate me now? Does this mean I'm not lucky any more?_

_"I'm sorry . . . Mr. Hayes . . . I didn't mean to kick you . . . Jack, I'm sorry. Please . . . stop . . . it hurts . . . it hurts so much. Ma? Why didn't you get out from under that thing? Sudi was my only friend on the boat, I didn't mean to lose him . . ._

_"Stop, Jack . . . Pleeeeease . . ."_

"Daniel! Wake up! Come on Daniel, come back to us!" Janet was shaking him.

"STOP!" He screamed and tried to shove her away.

Opening panic filled eyes he saw Janet and Sam hovering over him. He was drenched in sweat and panting like he'd just sprinted a marathon. The dream slammed back into his mind and he broke. Letting out a strangled cry of anguish, he rolled over and buried his head in the pillow and sobbed unconsolingly.

Janet and Sam let him cry, but stayed with him, holding his hand and rubbing his back. They cried also. Seeing this gentle man in such distress was more than anyone could handle without crying. It was going to be a long night for all of them.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

It had taken Sam and Janet almost 45 minutes to get Daniel calmed down after his dream. He never said anything to them, just cried in their arms. Even when one of them would question if he wanted something to drink, he wouldn't acknowledge that they were even there.

General Hammond phoned down to let Janet know that the new doctor was in the mountain and already briefed on the situation. When she hung up the phone she told Sam she was going to get him, Carter merely nodded.

"Daniel, the new doctor is here now. Please talk with him. We really need you to get better. _I_ really need you to get better. Please, Daniel . . . come back to us." She whispered to him as she held him close, continuing to run her fingers through his hair. "You are my best friend, Daniel. The only one I can really talk too. You have to fight this . . . fight it like you would the Goa'uld. Your past demons are just like they are, parasites wanting to control you. Please . . . please . . ."

She broke off when he squeezed her a little harder, letting her know that he was indeed listening to her words. Then very quietly he whispered, "I'll try, Sam . . . but I don't think I can fight this . . . and win. Not this time."

'_This time?'_ Sam thought, _'Oh God, this has happened before?'_

"You've had this happen before, Daniel? When?" She asked him, not knowing if he was going to answer her or not.

He was very quiet. Not wanting to burden her with his problems, Daniel didn't elaborate on his statement. _What could she do anyway? It was all his fault. His parents, Hayes, Jack. Everything was his fault. Even his wife being taken by the Goa'uld was his fault. She was being raped and tortured without hope of being anything but a host, because of him. He should never have taken the plane tickets that Catherine gave him that day four years ago. Everyone would be better off. _

_He should have just gone along with is original plans and . . . and . . . done it. It was a nice tall building his apartment was in. Even though it wasn't __his__ apartment any more. He should have jumped then, but he was a coward. And he was curious about the job Catherine offered him._

_Coward is the biggest reason. He couldn't even pull the trigger when he had the chance. The gun was loaded, just like Jack taught him. It was in his mouth, would have blown the back of his head off. Sure it would have made a mess, but that's what cleaning companies were for._

Daniel heard the door to the room open and felt Sam shift into a sitting position. Janet came into his line of view and he saw someone he didn't know right behind her.

"Daniel," Janet quietly spoke to him, "This is Dr. Mike Addie. He is here to talk with you. General Hammond asked him to come."

"Hi Daniel." Dr. Addie said in a gentle voice.

The man was of slight build and had an open face. His hair was receding but still plenty of it. He wore a _'Green Lantern'_ tee shirt under a dark blue sport coat and jeans. Daniel could just see the bottom of a tattoo peeking out from under one sleeve. If he was in a better mood, the man's smile would have been infectious.

Daniel just closed his eyes though, not acknowledging him at all. He heard the guy talking with his friends and then he heard the door close. Chancing a peek, he had hoped that all of them were gone. No luck. Dr. Addie was sitting in the chair that Sam had just vacated.

"Go away. I don't wanna talk to anyone." Daniel snarled.

Shaking his head, the new doctor sighed, "Nope. Sorry. It doesn't work that way, Daniel. You and I are going to be doing a lot of talking. That is if you still want to be apart of this program."

Low blow. Daniel groaned and buried his head in the pillow.

"I'm here for the long run, Daniel. General Hammond is very worried. And as I understand it, so are most of the people in this mountain. You have a lot of friends here, Daniel. Don't sell yourself short.

"Soooo . . . I'm going to just sit here and read this fascinating flight magazine until you decide to talk to me." Then the new doctor looked pleadingly at his patient, "Please decide to talk soon. I'm Navy and flight magazines make me air sick."

Dr. Addie actually heard a snicker coming from the pillow Daniel's head was stuffed in, and he smiled. Score one for the doc.

****

Jack O'Neill was trying to sit up in his infirmary bed. He hated not being able to see what was going on around him. He had heard screams coming from the room that he knew Daniel was in and wanted to go and find out what was going on with his friend. Groaning in pain he felt a hand rest on his shoulder. Turning to see Teal'c standing beside him, he sighed and laid back down with a scowl.

"What's going on with Daniel, T?" He asked the Jaffa warrior.

"I am unsure, O'Neill. I will go and find out if you wish me too." His large team mate answered.

Just then they could see Dr. Fraiser rushing from the room and an instant later going back in with someone that Jack didn't recognize. Glancing back over at Teal'c, Jack saw that he had just as a confused expression on his face.

"Teal'c, could you go and sort of look in and see what's going on in there, please?" Jack asked with a very worried tone in his voice.

The Jaffa bowed his head in acknowledgement and exited the infirmary. As he approached ISO-2, Teal's was stopped by Dr. Fraiser and Captain Carter. The two women were leaving and closing the door behind them.

"I'm sorry, Teal'c, but you cannot see Daniel right now." Janet told him.

"May I enquire as to the condition of DanielJackson, Dr. Fraiser?"

"Physically . . . he's fine. Emotionally and mentally, not so good. He is with a new doctor that General Hammond has brought in for him right now. Hopeful this guy will be able to help him."

Teal's raised an eyebrow in questioning way.

"He is a child physiatrist, T." Carter answered him.

Teal'c viewed the two women with brows furrowed, "DanielJackson is not a child, Captain Carter, why would he need to see one?"

"Daniel has been bouncing back and forth in his memories, and sometimes he thinks he is a child again."

Bowing his head in understanding, he then asked Janet, "Would you be kind enough to inform O'Neill of DanielJackson's condition? He is extremely worried about his friend."

Nodding, Janet turned to Sam and told her in the most official voice she could muster, "You need to go and get some sleep now, Sam. And that_ is_ an order!"

"Janet, I will . . ." Sam began to protest but was cut short by the small doctor.

"Teal'c, would you please escort Captain Carter to one of the barrack rooms and wait outside until you are sure she in snoring."

Sam glared daggers at Janet, but complied with the doctor's wishes. With Teal'c close behind her, the captain turned to go as requested, grumbling all the way down the hall. The _'Napoleonic Power Monger'_ managed a small smile at her friend's retreating form, and then turned to go and talk with Colonel O'Neill. It was going to be hard to tell him what was happening with Daniel _and_ keep him from rushing to his friend's side. She knew how bad he was feeling at his participation in this whole shitty mess, even if it wasn't his fault.

As Dr. Fraiser entered the room, Jack tried again to sit up.

"Ah, ah, ah, Colonel. You stay put. I want you horizontal for at least until tomorrow morning."

"Is that an offer, Doctor?" O'Neill snarked at her with a wicked grin.

"In your dreams, Flyboy." Janet replied with an equally evil grin. Getting serious, she began to check his vitals. "I understand you want to know how Daniel is doing."

Jack nodded and winced when a pain shot through his head. "Yeah. I thought I heard him screaming a little while ago."

"He had a nightmare. It must have been really bad, normally you don't dream when you're under sedation. When we got him to wake up all he did was . . . cry."

Jack's closed his eyes in utter shame. He was the one that caused all this. He was to blame for Daniel's nightmare. Even though it was Hathor that put the whole ordeal in motion, it was he that did the deed.

"I thought that after Bra'tac debugged me . . . everything would be ok."

Janet felt sorry for O'Neill. It really wasn't his fault. He had no idea that he was compromised. She took a hold of his hand and gave it a squeeze. "Colonel, what happened . . . what you did, wasn't your idea. You didn't . . . attack Dr. Jackson because you wanted to . . . you were forced too. You are as much a victim as he is."

When Jack didn't respond, she continued, hoping that something she said would help him understand.

"No one here blames you, Colonel . . . Jack. After we all found out that you had been forced into this unknowingly, we all understood. Right now, Daniel is dealing with past demons. Granted, this would not have happened if you hadn't . . . well if things didn't go down the way they did, but still, these demons would've surfaced sooner or later for him. Right now he's fighting things that happened to him when he was a kid . . ."

"And he wouldn't have to if I hadn't RAPED HIM!" Jack yelled and punched at the metal tray by his bed. "My God, Janet . . . He will never trust me, never forgive me . . . _I can't_ forgive me!"

For the first time since his son died, Jack felt the tears trying to escape. Covering his face with his hands he mumbled, "Leave me alone for a while, will you?"

"Sure, Colonel. Do you want something for the pain or to go to sleep?"

He shook his head no. No, he wanted to feel the pain and sleep was out of the question. Now another nightmare to add to his mental video catalog.

****

Daniel didn't back down. He kept his silence no matter what Dr. Addie told him. It was a battle of wills and he wasn't going to lose. He had a lot of practice too. Daniel was a champ at out lasting all the counselors and physiologist that they sent him too over the years. If he didn't want to talk, damn it, he wasn't going to.

When Dr. Addie got up, Daniel thought he won this round, only to be disappointed when the man came back over to his bed.

"Okay, Daniel. I've played this game before and you may think you can win, but you are sorely wrong. However, you don't have to talk to play a game of chess with me . . . so sit up and let's go. You're white."

The young doctor was happy to see a spark of interest in his patient. Daniel sat up and pulled the rolling table over for them to set the chess board on. But he wasn't going to talk! The new guy was good, Daniel had to give him that. This was the most challenging game he'd played in quite some time. Still, he was able to get him into check.

"Check" Daniel said without even thinking about it.

As Dr. Addie moved his king out of harms way he remarked, "Welcome back to the real world, Daniel. Nice to hear your voice."

With a winning grin he looked up at a very shocked archeologist. Daniel sat on his bed with his mouth hanging open. He'd been had and he knew it. This guy _was_ good.

"You can call me Mike. Would you like to tell me about your dream?"

Feeling his stomach start to churn, Daniel pulled his legs up to his chest and buried his head in his arms.

"Come on, Daniel. It's okay. Nothing you say will scare me away. I want to help you." Dr. Addie told him quietly.

With a strangled sob, he began, "It was all mixed up. Some was of one of my foster families, some of my parents and some of . . . what . . . Jack did."

Daniel let out a long sigh and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. "When I was twelve, Hayes, the family I was with, the father . . . he, ah . . . he molested me and beat me if I tried to fight him off. I was in the hospital more then at the house.

"Then I saw my parents and they just watched what was happening to me, not doing anything about it, like they didn't care."

He stopped talking and Dr. Addie heard him start to cry harder.

"Were your parents like that in real life?" He asked.

"NO!" Daniel yelled, jerking his head up and glaring at Mike, "They . . . they were fantastic. They loved me and protected me . . . they gave me everything . . ."

"But you feel that they abandoned you, right?"

With a low whimper, Daniel nodded then started to cry even harder. In a child's tone of voice he continued, "They didn't move . . . why did they just stand there under the cover stone? Why didn't they try?"

Mike reached out and gave him a gentle pat. "That's all you have to tell me today, Daniel. I know you have to be pretty worn out. Do you want me to get Dr. Fraiser to give you something to help you sleep?"

"No." He answered in a small voice. "But I don't want to be alone."

Mike moved the chess board off the table and helped Daniel get more comfortable. Pulling up the blanket to cover him up, he softly said, "I'll stay with you. And I'll make sure someone is here for you the whole time. Okay?"

With a barely suppressed yawn, Daniel murmured, "'kay." And fell asleep almost immediately.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_A/N: I know this is kind'a short, but it seemed like a good place to stop a chapter. Thank you for all the reviews, they really help me to continue to write better. I know this is a hard one to read, it is just as hard to write, so if there is a long time between chapters I apologize. I am trying to do justice to not only the story but also the charaters._


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

"_Danny . . . Danny honey, come on sweet heart, it's time to get up." Claire Jackson spoke softly to her son as she rubbed his head. "Come on now, Danny, wake up . . ."_

_Turning his head this way and that, he groaned. "No, Ma. Wanna sleep."_

_The sound of distant talking kept bugging him. "Maaaaa, wanna sleep. Go way." Daniel mumbled as he turned over away from the noise. _

Dr. Fraiser and Dr. Addie walked over to him after they heard his muttering. Placing a hand on his forehead, Janet whispered to him, "Hey you. Coming back to life now?"

Slowly opening his eyes, Daniel tried to focus. "Wha . . . wha . . ." He looked around with fear quickly growing on his face. "Mom?"

Janet looked over to Dr. Addie with concern. "Daniel? What's wrong?"

Curling up on his side and hiding under his blanket, he began to whimper. "Want my mom, where is she?"

Dr. Addie sat down next to him and with a pointed look at Janet; the CMO turned and left the room.

"Hey, Daniel, do you remember me?"

Peeking out from under his blanket, he eyed the man suspiciously. "No." He pouted. "Where is my mom?"

"Daniel, how old are you?" Mike asked him.

"Eight. Who are you?" He asked in a small voice.

"My name is Dr. Addie. You can call me Mike though." The new doctor answered him.

Daniel frowned in concentration, "My dad told me not to call adults by their first names, its dis . . . dis-re-spect . . . ful."

Nodding his head, he accepted that, "Okay then, Dr. Addie is fine." Mike smiled at Daniel and asked, "Is it okay if I ask you some questions?"

"Sure." Daniel quietly said.

"Were you dreaming just now?" Mike queried.

"Yes. About my Mom and about Egypt. I used to live there." Daniel sat up suddenly, all excited. "Do you know about Egypt? I was born there. My mom and dad are archeologist. We lived in Cairo."

Daniel seemed very happy talking about Egypt, so Mike let him ramble on.

"My mom and dad would have been considered 'scribes', those people were very well thought of. I want to be just like my parents."

"That's cool. What can you tell me about the pharaohs?" Mike asked him.

Daniel thought for a moment, "First of all, they didn't call themselves 'pharaohs'. They were kings. The word pharaoh really comes from the Greek and was used in the bible. It started out in the Egyptian 'Per-aa', which means 'Great House'."

"Wow . . . you really know your stuff!"

"Yeah . . ." Daniel giggled.

Mike smiled at how excited the 'young boy' in the body of the man before him, was getting. "What else can you tell me? Do you know any of the pharaohs . . . excuse me, kings names?"

"Sure! Which dynasty?"

Laughing, Mike told him, "Well . . . um, how about the one King Tut was in. He's really the only one I know."

Daniel smirked at him. "Okay. That was considered the 'New Kingdom'. Kind'a the renaissance period for Egypt. King Tut was in the 18th Dynasty.

"First king was Ahmose from 1539-1514. Then Amenhotep I 1514-1493, Thutmose I 1493-1481, Thutmose II 1491-1479, Hatshepsut 1473-1458, Thutmose III 1504-1450, Amenhotep II 1427-1392, Thutmose IV 1419-1386, Amenhotep III 1382-1344, Amenhotep IV 1350-1334, Smenkhkare 1330-1334, Tutankhamun 1334-1325, Ay 1325-1321, and Horemheb 1323-1295." Taking a deep breath, Daniel grinned at Mike, who just sat there with his mouth hanging open.

"Wow!" He finally said, "That's a lot of information. I'm impressed."

"Thanks. My mom said that I absorb knowledge . . . like a sponge. That's what she called me sometimes."

Daniel's face turned sad at that thought. He realized that he phrased that in the past tense. He grew very quiet and withdrawn. Mike watched as before his eyes the excited little boy become a scared and confused little boy.

"She's dead." Daniel whispered as tears streamed from his eyes. Mike got up and sat next to him, putting his arm around his shoulders.

"Do you want to talk about it, Daniel?"

With a sob, he leaned into Mike's embrace, shaking his head no.

"It might help if you do." The young doctor encouraged.

Outside the room, the klaxon sounded at the same time as someone in the hallway tipped over a cart. The resulting crash sent Daniel into hysterics. Jumping up he tried to run away, pulling the IV out of his arm. He screamed out as the shunt ripped from the back of his hand. Scampering into a corner, Daniel curled up into a small ball and covered his head, weeping unconsolingly . He wouldn't let Mike get near him. Every time the doctor tried to touch him, Daniel would shove him or hit at him, howling, "GO 'WAY . . ."

Dr. Fraiser rushed in to try and help, only to have Mike tell her to get out and close the door. Looking affronted, she left.

"Daniel, let me help you."

"No . . . no . . ." he cried. "Mommy . . ."

"Daniel, your mom is dead. You just told me that. Do you remember what happened? How she died?"

Shaking like the preverbal leaf, the despondent man whimpered. "She . . . she . . ." Sniffling and wiping his hands over his face, he tried again; "She and my dad were crushed under a cover stone. They didn't move out of the way in time . . . I, I . . . I saw the whole thing happen."

"How do you feel about that?" Mike asked him gently.

Daniel looked up at him with such sadness and misery, Mike felt so sorry for him. He didn't want to see the young man suffer like this.

With a moan, Daniel buried his head in his arms again. From under his barrier, he mumbled, "Mad. It makes me mad." He began to cry again, "I don't want to be mad at them. I loved them . . . but they left me alone. All alone. And . . . and Grandpa Nick, he, he . . . he didn't want me. He didn't want to take care of me. Why?" He howled out and grabbed Dr. Addie, crying into the man's shoulder.

Rubbing Daniel's back and speaking soothingly, Mike began to get his charge to calm down. When the shaking stopped, the Doctor pulled Daniel up and got him back to the bed.

"It's okay now, Daniel. It happened a long time ago. You're safe now. With friends who love you and are worried about you."

Waiting for a few minutes, he asked, "Feel like talking anymore, Daniel?"

Turning sorrowful blue eyes towards the doctor, he shook his head.

"All right," Mike accepted, "how about we let Dr. Fraiser patch up your hand there, then we can take a walk. Would you like that?"

"Outside?" Daniel asked hopefully.

"I'll see what I can do, Daniel." He smiled at him.

****

In the early evening, Sam sat with O'Neill as he ate his blue Jell-O. It was painfully quiet. She wasn't sure how much he knew what was going on with his friend.

With a strained voice she queried, "How long are you in here for?"

"Ah . . . Little Napoleon said tomorrow afternoon, but I plan to be home tonight." He gave her a mischievous grin. Placing the empty bowl on his tray, Jack became serious. "Carter, is Daniel . . . I mean, has Daniel . . . well, has he said anything to you about . . . what . . . what happened?"

Shaking her head no, she replied quietly, "Sorry, Sir. He hasn't talked to me about it at all. He's been with Dr. Addie all day today. Even got to go outside for a little while. Most of the time he has been bouncing between six and eight years old, Dr. Addie said."

Looking at her with a suspicious eye, O'Neill asked, "Do you like this . . . head shrinker? Trust him?"

"I really haven't gotten to talk with him much, Sir."

"Your gut instinct, Carter," he fussed at her, "what does your gut say?"

Scrunching up her forehead, she absent mindedly nibbled on her lip while thinking, "Yeah. Yeah I do. I believe he may be able to help Daniel not only with what happened . . . you know, now. But also with what happened when he was a kid.

"You remember what he was like when we finally got out of the 'game keepers' clutches. No one could get through to him. He was a mess. Then to top it all off we go to Shyla's planet and he gets addicted to the sarc. I think it was only after _you_ helped him come down off that, that things started looking up for him a little.

"We all have our childhood horror stories, Sir. It just seems to me, Daniel's got more then most."

Jack nodded and closed his eyes in a silent grief. He now was responsible for dredging up all those horror stories and adding quite a few more. Both personally and by having him on the frontline team of planet hoping soldiers.

"I think I'm going to ask Hammond to remove him from the team. Have him assigned to a science team or just head-up his departments only, not go off world any more." He said quietly.

Shocked, Sam almost shouted at her C.O., "NO!"

Jack looked at her with raised eyebrows, "Captain?"

"I mean, Sir," she calmed down to explain herself, "if you do that, you might as well tell him you think he's a . . . a useless, weakling. And you _know_ he's not!"

"I do _know_ that, Carter! I just can't see justifying my participation in adding to the horrors in his life."

"Oh, Sir. With all due respect," Carter snorted, "That's bullshit."

Peering at her incredulously, he realized she was right. "Yeah, yeah . . . it is. I just don't want to see him get hurt anymore."

"Daniel's strong, Sir. You know he is or you wouldn't have had him on your team in the first place. He's just forgotten it right now. But I really think with Dr. Addie's help, he'll be back. And knowing Daniel, better then ever."

Jack smiled at his 2IC. "Can't keep a good 'space monkey' down, can we?"

She giggled at him and nodded, "Nope. Can't even seem to kill this one either." Turning serious, she patted O'Neill's shoulder, "You should get some sleep. That might impress Janet enough to let you go home early."

Settling down on his pillow and watching Carter leave, he called out to her, "Carter."

She turned and looked at him.

"Um, thanks. You know, for . . . well, just . . ." he waves a hand in little circles as if that tells her what he wanted to say.

And since she knows him so well, she does understand what he wanted to say, "Sure. Good night, Sir."

****

_He was so tired. He wasn't sure how far he had run, but he knew he couldn't go much further. The angry shouts behind him were pushing him to his limit. He had to escape. Had to get out. But to where? He wasn't even sure where he was. Everything looked the same. Trees. And more trees._

_Chancing a glimpse behind him, Daniel tripped on a branch and went crashing down. Stunned, he laid there for a moment and tried to catch his breath. Then the hands descended onto him, roughly pulling him to his feet. He tried to kick and punch at his captors, but they just laughed at his feeble attempts and beat him. He got a look at one of them just before he was hit in the face and knocked out. It was Hayes. Only he had on a uniform. An Air Force uniform._

_When the blackness receded, Daniel could tell he was bound to a tree. Looking up, he saw a group of Jaffa milling around something, but he couldn't make out what it was. Then Hayes came over to him with a wicked grin on his face._

"_Hey there, Danny. Glad you finally decided to join us." He growled in that horrible voice that Daniel hated that he remembered so clearly. "I got somethin' for you, Danny. Wanna see?"_

_The Jaffa parted and Daniel could see very clearly now, five freshly dug graves. Two were filled with his parents. The other three were empty. Just then, a couple more Jaffa marched three children out of a near by tent and had them parade by Daniel and then kneel one in front of each grave._

_Daniel shook his head and muttered, "No . . . no . . ."_

_Hayes walked over to the first child and savagely twisted his head around so that the archeologist could see the boy. He may have been young, but Daniel would know Teal'c at any age. Hayes put a gun to the boys head._

"_NOOOOO!" Daniel screamed. The other two children turned to look at him and he could see the images of Sam and Jack as clear as day on their young faces._

_Hayes put the gun down and walked back over to Daniel, giving the youthful Teal'c a kick. "Tell you what, Danny. You don't ever mention what happened with us again, and your friends will be spared." Pulling Daniel's face around to look him in the eyes, the linguist gasped when he saw Jack's face and not Hayes' "We got an understanding now, Danny boy?"_

_Daniel nodded. A tear sliding down his grubby cheek._

"_Good. But just to make sure you really comprehend . . ."_

_Jack turned quickly and fired at one of the children. The Jaffa cheered and ran over to the fallen victim and easily cut the head off. Daniel closed his eyes in utter revulsion, and wept. He wasn't sure which of the children were killed and he didn't want to know. But when everything suddenly went quiet, he chanced a look._

_There, staring at him with sightless blue eyes was his childhood head on a pike._

The scream had everyone on level 21 racing to ISO room 2. When Doctors Fraiser and Addie got there, they found Daniel covered in sweat, crying hysterically, and Jack O'Neill holding him, rocking him, trying to sooth the nightmare.

"Shhhh, Daniel. It's all right. Everything will be okay." Jack whispered to his friend. "I won't let anything happen to you, I promise."

Still crying frantically, Daniel clung to O'Neill with all the force of a drowning man. His lifeline, his friend. And even though he knew somewhere in his twisted, mixed up mind that Jack was the start of this latest trip through hell, he was also his best friend and the first one to get to him when he awoke from the nightmare.


	8. Chapter 8

_Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, just the story I put them in. _

**Chapter Eight**

Daniel wept openly for most of an hour, never letting Jack go. General Hammond motioned for everyone to leave them alone, and they all filed out quietly. Dr. Addie stayed in the room, but moved off to the side as to not disturb the two men. He was there only to make sure Daniel didn't attack the colonel once he realized that was who was holding him.

Mike couldn't believe the amount of passion these two had for each other. He now could understand why, beyond the obvious, Daniel has been so traumatized by the colonel's attack. They really loved each other. Not in a sexual way, but as true friends. Blood brothers. With a bond way beyond the normal perimeters of team mates or co-workers.

Once the younger man calmed down, he released his hold on O'Neill and sat back. Lifting watery blue eyes to his comforter, Daniel went pale when he saw it was Jack. Dr. Addie rose from his chair in anticipation of having to separate the two of them. He watched as Daniel's emotions raced across his face, ranging from anger to relief, to sadness. They regarded each other solemnly. Daniel's eyes blazing, Jack's sorrowful and shamed. The tension was as thick as the Great Wall of China. Then Mike saw the muscles in Jackson's back begin to relax as he lowered his head.

In a voice that was barely audible, Daniel asked, "Why, Jack? Why did you do that to me?"

By the end of the sentence, the tears were in his voice again.

Jack looked away as he fiddled with Daniel's blanket, "Aw, Danny, I'm so sorry. But I didn't do it . . . really."

Daniel stared at him incredulously. With a short, barking laugh he growled out, "You know, Jack, not that I make a habit of looking at you in the showers, but I'm pretty sure that _was_ you behind me at the time of entry."

Jack snorted with a cross between a laugh and a cry at his statement. "Yeah, it was me . . . but I wasn't doing it with my own free will, Daniel."

Looking away from his friend, O'Neill began to explain, "I was programmed, Daniel. When we were all captured by Hathor, she put a suggestive phrase inside my head, so when I heard it, I would . . . I would attack you."

Daniel stared at him with his mouth hanging open. Clearing his throat, he quietly asked, "This was all Hathor's doing?"

"Yes."

The young man pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He couldn't believe it. Hathor . . . the one that woke up such deeply slumbering trauma with her rape of him not much more then two years earlier. Now she raped him again and cut open all his childhood horror to lie festering at the feet of his friends.

After the first time with her, he had managed to escape much therapy. He was good at dodging the point and turning on the charm. This time, he wasn't going to be so lucky. He'd been opened and bleed for all to see. Now he couldn't gather all the fraying pieces fast enough to hide them away.

Why didn't he pull the trigger when he had the chance? To go through this yet again . . . it was too much. The ugliness in his life was beginning to out weigh the good. He really had hoped that being needed and having such close friends was a turn for the better. A turn from the nightmare of his childhood. Now, not only does he have to relive it, he gets to add to it with the very people he thought would rescue him from it.

Turning red rimmed, pain filled eyes to Dr. Addie, then to Jack, he glanced at the open door of his room. Bowing his head he murmured something neither of the other men could make out, then bolted off the bed and out the door.

Dr. Addie and Jack were taken by surprise and did not move fast enough to catch the fleeing man. O'Neill hit the alarm button as he headed out the door, Mike hot on his heals.

"Daniel . . ." Jack called after him, ". . . you can't get out of the mountain, Daniel! STOP . . ."

As the two chasers rounded a corner, the hallway was empty. The next instant, four SF's entered the same passage from the other end. Looking at the Colonel, the guards just shrugged, "He didn't come this way, Sir."

Turning back, O'Neill was confronted with even more SF's – also empty handed.

"Where'd you go, Danny?" He mumbled more to himself then to the men milling around. "Well? Don't just stand there . . . find 'im!" He yelled his order.

As the soldiers spread out, Mike tapped O'Neill on the shoulder. "Um, where's that go?" he asked pointing to an access shaft.

"Shit!" Jack sighed as he opened the door. Looking up he caught sight of Daniel scampering up the ladder to the surface. "Shit!" He said again. As he reached out to start up after his friend, Mike clapped a hand on his arm.

"Jack, you're in no shape to be scaling ladders."

Just as he was about to disagree, his ribs began to protest loudly. Lucky for him, Teal'c came up to them.

"What has occurred, O'Neill?"

"Teal'c, glad your here!" Jack said, then pointed up the shaft. "Go fetch Daniel."

With one eyebrow raised, he bowed his acquiescence and took off up the shoot.

As Teal'c climbed up, Jack went to a phone and called topside. "This is Colonel O'Neill. Lock down every escape shoot. Dr. Jackson is trying to get out of the mountain. Stop him at all cost . . . but don't kill'im! Understood?"

"Yes, Sir." Came the reply.

As he hung up the phone, Janet, Sam and General Hammond came running up.

"What happened?" The General asked, slightly out of breath.

"Daniel pulled a _'Running Man'_ on us." O'Neill answered as he looked up the shaft to see how close Teal'c was to catching the wayward archeologist.

"How'd he get out, Colonel?"

Looking back to his C.O., he gave him a smirk, "He ran . . . Sir."

Not amused, Hammond was about to reply when Teal'c called down, "He's out, O'Neill."

"Shit!" Jack reached for the phone again. "You guys got'im?"

"No, Sir. We just got more men up here, Sir."

Jack slammed the phone down on the receiver, "Shit!" he shouted, then turned to head topside. "General, he's out and there are a million places he can hide up there. We have to find him."

"Yes, we do . . . but not you, Colonel." Dr. Fraiser's voice was one not to be trifled with. "You shouldn't be running around in the forest, in the dark. Captain Carter, Teal'c and Dr. Addie can find him."

"But . . ."

"No buts', Colonel, back to the infirmary . . . NOW! The others will find him."

Still protesting, Janet guided him away as Sam and Mike left for the mountain top.

****

Daniel couldn't believe that he made it out of the base. And that no one was waiting for him. He needed to get lost though, because he knew that wouldn't last. Slamming the lid closed, he put some heavy rocks on top to try and slow Teal'c down.

Looking around for a moment, he decided to head further up the mountain, to try and throw them off his scent. He knew that it was going to be hard to hide from Jack, Sam and especially Teal'c. Setting off at a steady pace, Daniel knew that it would be dark soon and that night would be a mixed blessing. The dark would help hide him, but it was also November and he was barefoot and in scrubs. He was going to have to find a hollowed out tree or cave to get in. Maybe he could start a fire then, so hypothermia wouldn't set in. He wasn't sure how long he would last, but at least if he died, he would be outside, like he always wanted to be and finally away from all his nightmares. He always thought that he would die alone. And he missed his parents so much. Now maybe he would get to see them again.

With the night descending in frightening speed, Daniel ran pell-mell through the woods. He was shaking from cold and exhaustion. Not being able to see where he was going, the young man tripped over a tree root and went head over heals down an embankment. He came to a rest at the bottom, hitting his head on a rock. The last thing he knew, was water splashing over his feet and legs . . . then blackness.

****

"_Wake up, my Dan-yal."_

_Warm hands caressed his face, stirring some life into him. He heard the voice, but it seemed so far away._

"_My Dan-yal, you have to wake up or you will die. Please, my husband. If you die here, who will come for me and Skaara?"_

"_I can't do it anymore, Sha're, I can't fight my demons. They are too strong. Please, please let me go."_

"_No, Dan-yal. I will not let you go. You are strong and you will defeat them, just as you have defeated Ra and freed my people from ignorance. You must not give up, my husband. You are needed so very badly. I need you."_

_He felt her lips touch his. Her hair brush over his face. He wanted to reach out and hold her, touch her, but when he opened his eyes, her image shimmered and began to fade._

"_No . . . Sha're, don't leave me. I . . . I, I'm scared. I can't do this alone . . ."_

_Her image cleared some and she smiled at him, "You are not alone, my Dan-yal. I will always be with you. And your friend, O'Neill, he will be able to help you, guide you to overcome your demons, just as you did for him."_

"_Not this time, Sha're. He's the one that started this whole thing. He . . . he did something so bad to me, Sha're. I can't let that go."_

_Again, he felt her warm touch on his face, "No, my husband, he did not. The evil was a Goa'uld. That is what harmed you, not your friend. He too was a victim. I know how much he cares for you, Dan-yal. You two are as brothers. Don't push him away. Don't push any of them away. They are your family, just as father and Skaara are your family. You are no longer alone._

"_Please, my Dan-yal, do not let the demons win you over. You are the warrior that will turn the tide for the weak in the universe. __You__ are the one that the Goa'uld are afraid of. You must continue the fight."_

"_I'm so tired, my wife. So tired. I don't want to carry all of this inside me any longer."_

"_Then talk, Dan-yal. It is what you do best. Talk and heal. Then come and find me, my husband. I will wait for you . . . I love you, Dan-yal . . . I will always love you . . ."_

"Don't leave me . . ." he reached out his hand to hold the fading form of his wife, only to grasp at cold and uncaring air.

The wind was frigid as it hit his face. It made him more aware of the pain he was in and how alone he was. Daniel wasn't sure of what had happened, only that he was in pain and he just dreamed of Sha're. Then he heard a dog barking and voices yelling his name.

He struggled to sit up only then feeling just how much pain he was in. Trying to take a deep breath, he yelled out, "I'm here . . . I'm here." The last part was barely a whisper.

"Captain Carter," Teal'c's bass voice rang out, "I have found him. He is in need of medical attention." Turning to his young teammate, Teal'c took off his jacket and placed it over the fallen man.

"We are here, DanielJackson. You will be okay. You have my word."

Daniel tried to smile, but the cold and pain overwhelmed him and he let the darkness take hold.


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: sorry this took so long to get posted. I was in the hospital for a short time. I hope to keep posting a little more regularly now. Thank you for all the reviews and comments. Please let me know if you have any ideas or questions about this story. I am always happy to here ideas!_

**Chapter Nine**

"How's our boy, Doc?" Jack asked as Janet came into the main ward of the infirmary. She had just finished working on the recaptured linguist.

Flopping down on a chair next to his bed, she began to rub her eyes. With a tired sigh she said, "SG-1 is trying to kill me, I swear!"

O'Neill gave her his most charming Irish smile, "But we all love you, Janet."

Casting an exasperated look at him, she couldn't help but brake into a grin at his expression of innocence.

"You can go home tonight, Colonel. Just try not to over do it, please."

Scowling at her, he asked again, "How. Is. Daniel?"

With a sigh of resignation she answered, "He has a concussion, mild hypothermia and frost bite on several toes."

"Can I see him?"

"Yes, but . . ." she hesitated a moment, "Colonel, I have to warn you before you see him. We have him restrained to the bed."

"**WHAT**?" Jack nearly screamed, "Why the hell for?"

"Oh come on, Colonel! You _know_ why. He's started a fight with you, he has escaped a top security installation and is mentally unstable at the moment . . . Need I go on?"

Frowning, he shook his head no. He understood why that had to be done, but it didn't make it any easier to hear or accept. Daniel had a lot going on inside that head of his in a normal situation. Now add to all the usual stuff, he had to work through the crap that had gone on in the last several days. Jack didn't know if he would have been able to handle all of this if it were him.

Jesus, he just about committed suicide after his son died. If he had to come to terms with child molestation, abuse, seeing the death of his parents, having his wife and brother-in-law captured and made into snake heads, and to top it all off, have his best friend rape him under the influence of another Goa'uld, Jack was pretty sure that he would be in a rubber room right now.

Setting up, he swung his legs off the bed. Janet was amused that he was already dressed in his civvies. He must have changed when she was working with Daniel. With a grimace, he slid gingerly to his feet. Janet was by is his side instantly, looping an arm around his waist.

"Easy there, he-man." She chided him, "_or_ do you plan on staying here awhile longer?"

"Oh . . . no! I don't think so, Napoleon." Jack stated to her. "Just take me to see Daniel and then I'll go home."

"Only if Sam drives. I'm not releasing you to drive, that much is certain."

O'Neill glared at her, but upon seeing no intimidation on her face, he simply nodded his head in acquiescence. When they reached the room the archeologist was in, they found the door closed and Sam Carter leaning against the wall beside it.

"What's going on?" Jack questioned his 2IC.

"Shrugging, she stood up a little straighter, "Not sure, Sir. Dr. Addie is in there with him right now. He asked me to come down here and wait outside."

Janet produced a chair, seemingly out of thin air, and politely shoved the Colonel onto it. Glancing up at Sam, she asked, "Has Daniel regressed again?"

"Don't know, Janet." Was all Sam could say.

The three of them waited in silence for what seemed like hours. O'Neill was getting fidgety and started poking Carter in the side.

"Stop it, Sir." She said in mild irritation, batting his had away.

He just gave her a lopsided grin and poked her again.

Giggling, Sam tried to look stern and growled, "Sir . . ."

"Oh for Pete's sake!" Dr. Fraiser fumed, "If you two don't stop, I'm going to recommend you both for psych evaluations with Dr. Addie!"

Upon saying that she moved in between the two teammates. Glancing behind Janet's back, Sam caught Jack's eye and grinned. Just as the door to Daniel's room opened, both the Colonel and Captain poked Janet in the ribs. She jumped about a mile, turning to yell at them, when she saw Dr. Addie watching with amusement. The three of them stared back, sheepishly.

"I hate to brake up the frivolity out here . . . God knows you guys need some release." Mike told them, "But right now I need Captain Carter."

Stepping forward and assuming her normal military composure, she went in the open door that Mike was holding for her. As he started in, Jack caught his arm.

"When can I see him, Doc?"

"It may be a while, Colonel. Daniel has gone back to an eight year old state of mind." The therapist informed him.

Sighing in defeat, Jack slumped down against his chair. Rubbing a hand over his face, he murmured, "Why Daniel? Why does _everything_ happen to Daniel?"

****

As Sam walked into the ISO room, she found Daniel quietly crying and twisting his arms, trying to get out of the restraints. When he heard Sam approaching he turned red-rimmed, tear filled eyes towards her.

"Mom?" he questioned. "But . . . but . . . you, you're dead. You died . . . with, with Daddy . . ."

He was becoming more and more agitated. Dr. Addie, came up beside Carter and addressed Daniel, "This is not you mom, Daniel." He explained gently. "This is Sam. Samantha Carter . . . your friend. Do you remember?"

The deep blue eyes flickered between the doctor and the captain. He scrunched up his nose in concentration. Somewhere . . . way in the back of his mind, an image began to form. Flashes of a bright eyed, blond hair, beautiful soldier smiling at him with the most amazing grin. The next thought was of her pulling him out of harms way as a blast from a zat gun ripped right by his head. Daniel closed his eyes and concentrated on the memories of different missions he has gone on with Sam, Teal'c and . . . Jack.

'_I'm not a little boy.'_ he thought to himself. _'I'm a grown man. One that's needed on this team'_

Daniel opened his eyes and looked over to Carter. "Sam?" his voice hoarse with emotion. "Aw, Sam. I'm so sorry."

Taken aback, she looked perplexed. "Daniel, you have nothing to be sorry for. You've done nothing wrong."

Shaking his head, he friend his face in his shackled hands. "I let you all down. I let Jack down and General Hammond down." With his voice starting to get muffled with emotions and tears, Sam could hardly make out what else he was saying. Odd words drifted up, like, 'stupid . . . useless . . . never do anything right . . .'

Kneeling down beside him, she took both his hands in her's and spoke to him in a calm but commanding voice. "You listen to me, Daniel Jackson, and you listen good. I never want to hear you say you're stupid, useless or do nothing right, again. You are the strongest, most capable guy I know and with the training that Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c have given you . . . damn if you couldn't give even some of our jarheads a run for their money.

"What has happened to you in the past, both far and near, WILL NOT CRUSH YOU! You can fight this and get over it. Jesus, Daniel, you were laughed out of academia for your theories and you still insisted you were right. And now you have proof of that."

"No one can know . . ." he mumbled.

Sam gave him a slight shake, "You know, I know, hell the President knows. If Carl Sagan wasn't dead, he'd know. **Stop** beating yourself up! **Stop** letting Hayes continue to instill fear into you. Don't let what Hathor did to you win! Whether she did it herself or by ways of Colonel O'Neill. Fight it, Daniel. Fight it with the intensity you have for getting Sha're back."

Daniel's head snapped up and stared at her. He searched her eyes for a moment wanting to find the truth in what she was saying. He was useful to the team and he was the one that cracked the code to the Stargate it's self. But then he remembered letting Sha're down. Not fighting hard enough to get her back. Sam was right though, he had never backed down from anything in his life before.

"Sam . . ." he whispered, "help me . . . please. I have to get better . . . I have to find Sha're."

Samantha Carter rarely let her venerable side show, but in this instance, it had to come out. She wrapped her arms around her friend in a tight hug and choked out, "You know I will help you, Daniel. With everything that I have."

She thought about telling him that Jack would help him too, but didn't want to push it. She would let him broach that subject. Still holding him tight, Sam could feel the tension drain out of him with each breath he took. A feeling that had eluded her for the past fortnight was beginning to fill her yet again. A feeling of hope. Just maybe, her team and 'brothers' would make it through this and be all the stronger for it.

Dr. Addie quietly walked to the door and stuck his head out. "Jack," he called in a whisper, "Jack . . . I think you can come in now . . . if you want to."

The words had barely gotten out of his mouth, when O'Neill was pushing past the amazed doctor. As Jack approached his two youngest teammates, he began to get apprehensive. He really wasn't sure how Daniel would respond to him. He was worried that the friendship he, if he was truly honest with himself, didn't go into overtime to nurture, was ruined beyond repair. And, if he was truly honest with himself, would miss greatly if it could be recaptured.

Sitting on the bed opposite Carter, O'Neill very tentatively reached out and placed his hand on Daniel's head. Almost instantly, the young man grabbed it and held it close. Jack allowed himself a small smile. Maybe . . . just maybe . . .

After a long time of just reassuring each other, Sam sat up, stretching the kink out of her back and grinned at her two guys. Dr. Addie had at some point during their silent vigil, removed the restraints from the linguist. He pulled up a chair and sat, presenting an air of authority.

"Okay . . . Anything that needs to be talked about?"

Sam had to stifle a giggle when the matching groans came from the two men beside her.

"Um . . ." Daniel hesitated, "Well . . . um, I guess I should tell you guys that I'm . . ."

"If you even utter one syllable of that word you're thinking of, I'm gonna deck you!" O'Neill interrupted him.

"Jaaaaackk!"

"Now **that's** the Daniel we all know and love!" Jack grinned.

Dr. Addie began again, trying to reign in the sarcasm. He could tell even by the small amount of time he's had with SG-1, their primary defense and coping mechanism was sarcasm.

"Alright, Gentlemen. I don't think that any of you will be cleared for duty until **I **deem that you are fit. So let's start this again, shall we?" Mike leaned forward and looked directly at Jack.

"Colonel? What's on your mind?"

Jack looked down and fumbled with Daniel's unattached restraints. Evil images kept popping into his head of who he would love to see in those restraints. Glancing up at Carter quickly then looking away he let out a heavy sigh. Finally, he caved and quietly spoke to the small group.

"I am sorry for not being a better leader for this team . . ."

"_Sir/Jack_ . . ." Sam and Daniel both said only to be shushed by Dr. Addie.

"No, Carter, you know damned well that we should never have gotten captured in the first place, by Hathor."

Daniel shivered a bit at her name, but Jack stoically continued, "We, as a team got sloppy. Then this whole _'brain washing' _crap she did to me . . . Well, at least we know that's another Goa'uld weapon.

"What I'm really very sorry for, is that of all the people she could have triggered me to attack . . ." He became very quiet for awhile. Sam could have sworn, there were tears in his voice when he continued, but to her dying day, she would never tell a living soul.

"Daniel, I am . . . words fail at how ashamed, angry, sickened and sorry, for what I did to you. I know there will be no way for me to ever take it back, or make amends with you. As far as the team is concerned, I hope that you can still trust me to do my job and to keep you safe.

"In our personal . . . ah . . . friendship . . . I guess, I will leave that up to you." Jack's voice trailed off with unmistakable sadness. He wouldn't look Daniel in the eye and was uncharacteristically tense.

For a long time the room was deathly quiet. Daniel first glanced at Dr. Addie, then Sam. Both took the hint and moved off to the other side of the room. When they were sufficiently far, Daniel placed his hand on Jack's shoulder.

With tremendous effort to keep his voice from cracking, he spoke quietly, "Jack, what you did to me . . . what happened, was not you fault. I don't blame you anymore. I'm sorry you had to go through this. I'll be honest with you, though, it's going to be hard to trust you as a friend again."

At that statement, Jack actually seemed to shrink a little. Daniel squeezed his shoulder and continued, "I do however, know without a doubt that I can trust you to protect me as a team leader. And who knows? The friendship may heal itself in time."

It was honest and more then Jack had hoped for. Nodding his acceptance, he gave Daniel a grin and in turn received one.

Dr. Addie approached the tow of them and said, "I think it's about time for Colonel O'Neill to be heading home. Dr. Fraiser made me swear he didn't stay to long. Sam?" He turned to the Captain, "You're taking Jack home, right?"

Nodding, she gave Daniel a quick hug and wished him well, then gently pushed the Colonel out the door. When both officers were gone, Mike rounded on his patient, "You are not totally recovered by any stretch of the imagination, so don't even go there. In fact, I have gotten General Hammond's permission to take you to my hospital's crisis center and work with you on these other issues."

"_WHAT?!"_ Daniel screamed at the man. Without thinking he launched off the bed not realizing that his feet were still in the restraints. Mike caught him before he hit the ground, and got him back into his bed. Breathing hard with barely restrained ager, Daniel glared at the Doctor.

"Why? I'm better. I'm not going to hurt anyone, attack anyone and I'm all healed up . . . for the most part."

Cocking an eyebrow at him, Mike just shook his head, "No. No, you're not. You have a ways to go, Daniel. And being here is not helping. The General agrees with me and I want you to understand, that if you do not go with me, you may not be allowed back onto SG-1. You have to work through these issues that, like it or not, have hobbled you since childhood."

Daniel just stared at him open mouthed. He couldn't believe what was being done to him. That General Hammond was threatening him with grounding, if he didn't go along with this head shrinking bit. Gnawing on his lip, he closed his eyes and slumped his shoulders in defeat. Rocking slightly, he nodded his head.

"Okay." He whispered. "Take me now, so Jack doesn't get upset. I know he will, but I don't want to see it."

Mike inclined his head and smiled, "It's a good decision, Daniel. It will help you out in the long run. Get these past demons under control, so you can fight the present and more corporeal daemons the SGC is dealing with now."

He was right. In just the last two years alone, Daniel had to deal with way more then any other human being could even think of. Well, anyone that wasn't part of the SGC, that is.

Yes, this was the right time to get his childhood trauma confronted and dealt with. It was time to be the strong man that his mom and dad would have wanted him to be.


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N: Just a reminder, this all took place in season three between "Into the Fire" and "Seth". It seemed to me that Daniel has a very hard time in season three and this is my way of explaining that. Sorry this took so long to post, but I hope that everyone will like the ending. –sg1mouse_

**Chapter Ten**

It was morning when a pretty nurse shook Daniel awake. Blinking sleepily, he groaned and rolled over onto his stomach and pulled the blanket over his head.

"Dr. Jackson," the nurse said forcefully, "It's time for breakfast."

"No . . ."

Tugging on his blanket she replied, "Yes, Dr. Jackson, or I'll send it back and you won't get anything to eat until lunch time."

"I don't eat breakfast . . . just coffee." He mumbled into his pillow.

"All we have is decaf. You may want to eat something."

Another groan came from under the blankets, "That's evil . . . not having _real_ coffee."

"Sorry, Sir, rules." The nurse replied, "Now . . . up. You have to eat, then take your meds."

Daniel sat up quickly and stared at her, "Meds?! What meds? I'm not taking any meds."

With an amused smile, she answered, "You are now. Dr. Addie's orders. Nothing too serious, just some mood stabilizers."

Daniel rolled his eyes and flopped back down on his bed, "Oh great!"

The nurse gave him another shake and left the room for him to get dressed. With a moan, Daniel forced himself to get up. He was not a morning person. As he looked for his clothes, he took in his surroundings. The events from yesterday played over in his head. He knew that he had agreed to check himself into this place, but now he was rethinking it. Looking around, he spotted his jeans and a tee shirt, but no shoes. He wondered where they went as he got himself dressed. He also noticed that his belt was gone and was upset about that. He had lost some weight and his pants were riding very low on his hips. Tugging them up he went to look out his door.

Poking his head out of his room, he saw where everyone was gathered and eating. As he approached the food cart, an older man greeted him.

"Hi, Daniel, I'm Joe. Welcome to the crisis center. Here's your breakfast and you can sit anywhere in the community room."

Daniel gave him a half hearted nod and took his tray.

As he sat down to eat, he watched the other people covertly. Then an older gentleman sat down with him.

"Hi. I'm Matt." The other man introduced himself.

"Daniel."

"Is this your first time at a crisis center?"

Daniel really wanted to be left alone, but it seemed this guy wasn't too quick on the uptake. He sat quietly for a while, pushing his eggs around the plate, then he looked up and realized that the man was one of the workers.

"Yes." He finally answered.

Matt nodded at him kindly. "I thought so. You have the '_deer in the headlights'_ look about you." He leaned over and whispered to Daniel, "Don't worry, no one here bites."

With a grin, the man got up and walked over to a group of kids putting a puzzle together. Daniel wasn't sure he liked him or not. He didn't like being treated like a kid and Matt had that condescending tone about him. Then again, he was a bit overly sensitive right now.

Daniel didn't like being at the crisis center. It was, however, much better then he thought it would be. He was lucky enough to have a room to himself. The food was palatable and the people he had met so far seemed nice.

He was amazed at the variance of ages that were there. He wasn't the oldest by far and several of the patients were teenagers.

After breakfast, there was a group meeting that they made him stay for. He really just wanted to go back to bed. After putting up a small fuss about medicine, he begrudgingly went back into the community room and sat down in the furthest chair he could find.

In this group meeting all of the people were there. He felt a connection to the kids that were there for abuse and suicide attempt. It was almost as if they were mirror images of himself at that age. He had never put much stock into the things his social workers told him when he was younger, he always considered psychology as a "soft science". Now, he understood that he had been burying his emotions for years.

Everything that had happened, was re-triggered because of what Hathor and his best friend had done to him. He really wasn't sure that he _could_ talk about this with people he didn't know. Then again, he couldn't even talk to the people that he considered family.

Drowning in his own thoughts, he was startled to hear his name called by the leader of the group.

Turning unfocused eyes towards him, Daniel murmured, "Huh?"

The man smiled warmly at him and asked again, "I just asked if you would share your name and what brings you here."

The color rushed to Daniel's face and he started to breath shallow, almost panting. His leg began to shake and his palms were sweaty. With eyes downcast, and arms tightly wrapped around himself, he tried to focus on getting his thoughts translated into words.

'_This is ridiculous!"_ He thought, _'I'm a linguist for Christ's sake! Words are my whole life!'_

Taking a deep breath to try and calm his nerves, he closed his eyes and centered himself just as Teal'c had taught him. The room stayed quiet for him . . . waiting.

"Um . . ." he finally murmured, clearing his throat, he opened his eyes and focused on the leader. "My name is Dr. Daniel Jackson and I'm here at the request of my friends and physician."

There . . . He told them. Sure it was the most generic answer he could come up with, but he was done, they could go on now.

It was quiet again. Daniel chanced a look back at the leader. He was still staring at him, expectantly. When it was apparent that the newest member of their group was not going to continue, the leader decided to do some digging.

"What kind of doctor are you, Daniel?"

With a sigh of relief, Daniel thought, _'Oh good . . . an easy question!'_

Again he cleared his throat, "Um . . . I hold doctorates in Archeology, Anthropology and Linguistics."

There were a lot of murmurs around the room and surprisingly, it kind-of made him feel good.

"Wow!" the leader, who's name Daniel couldn't recall, said. "That's a lot of work for someone so young. Impressive!"

Nods around the room and a few eyelash batting from some of the young girls made Daniel blush and duck his head again.

"Okay, Daniel," the man began again, "you said that your friends and physician brought you here, correct? Why?"

Daniel couldn't help rolling his eyes. He was _so_ hoping not to go there already.

Seeing his discomfort, the leader added, "You can tell us as much as you are comfortable with, Daniel."

He nodded his understanding and let out a long sigh. "I . . . um, I am here to get help with coming to terms with some childhood . . . ah . . . problems."

Again, there were nods from all the others. Daniel was beginning to relax just a bit. Maybe he could do this. For crying out loud . . . he's faced down Goa'uld system Lords, a few personal demons shouldn't be that difficult.

"Well," the leader broke the silence again, "Welcome. I hope we will be able to help you out."

Daniel bit his lip and nodded. He again retreated into his own thoughts as the rest of them carried on.

***

Three days and counting.

Daniel paced his room waiting for visiting hours. Jack was supposed to come today. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. He missed Jack tremendously, but he was also scared to see him. What would happen if he flipped out and attacked his C.O. again. Daniel had hoped that Sam and/or Teal'c was coming too, but she told him they couldn't this time. Jack was coming on his own.

As he stared out the window, a knock startled him. Turning, Daniel let out a sigh of relief as Dr. Addie came into his room.

"Hi, Daniel." The young doctor greeted, "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine." His customary answer sounded false even to him. "A bit nervous." He added.

Mike smiled and pointed at Daniel's hands as he was wringing them fiercely, "I can see that. Do you know why?"

Dropping his gaze to the floor, the linguist let out a deep sigh. "I think it's because Jack is coming to visit me today."

"I see. Would you like me to stay?"

Daniel's head shot up, relief and surprise etched on his face. "Would you?"

"Sure, Daniel. I'd be happy too. That's why I'm here, to help you through all the shit that has piled up inside of you."

Mike pulled out a chair and sat down facing his patient. He motioned for Daniel to sit opposite of him on the bed.

"So . . . What's bothering you about Jack coming?"

Daniel's eyebrows inched up his forehead.

"Okay," Dr. Addie recanted, "Besides the painfully obvious."

Closing his eyes, Daniel dug deep down to _really_ find what was scaring him about Jack. Was it the rape? The stuff that was reawakened because of it or Jack himself? He went over the whole event, from the time on the planet to where he was sitting now. He thought about Hathor and how she had managed to rape him . . . twice. Then his mind went to Hayes and he shuddered violently.

His parents came to mind. They had left him, the didn't mean too, but it still, thirty some years later, felt that he had done something so bad, he was being punished. But what did he do?

"Daniel."

A voice drifted into his consciousness and pulled him out of his thoughts.

"Hmm?"

"What is it about Jack's coming to see you that has you worried?"

"I, I don't know . . ."

Nodding his head, Mike decided a different approach was due. "What are you feeling right now?"

Thinking hard, Daniel finally found what it was he was feeling. "Anxious, scared . . . and happy." Looking at Mike, his forehead wrinkled in confusion. "Those emotions don't really go together, do they?"

Dr. Addie smiled at him, "Actually, yes, they do. Jack is your friend and you're happy to see him. But on the other hand . . . he's the one that hurt you, brought all the pain from your childhood to the surface. You are anxious and scared of how you are going to react to him. I mean . . . you beat the crap out of him once. And you've only talked to him briefly since then.

Daniel couldn't help but grin at the thought of the fight. Geeky, little bookworm took down the big, black ops colonel. Then his mood turned sad again and he nodded to Mike.

"I miss him. I don't want to be mad . . . or scared of Jack. It wasn't his fault." Lifting tear bright eyes to the Doctor, Daniel continued not knowing that Jack had entered the room. "He's my best friend . . . no, more then that, my big brother. I know, even though he would never admit it, that he cares for me too. He's always protecting me when we're on away missions. When I came back from Abydos, he took me in, bought me clothes, made me feel . . . wanted.

"When he . . ." Daniel started to breakdown as he poured out the feelings that he had always kept stamped down, "When he . . . did what he did to me, I felt just like I did when my parents died. When my Grandfather rejected me. It was as if . . . I was abandoned all over again."

Trying to choke back the sobs, Daniel jumped when he felt strong arms encircle him from behind. Looking back and seeing Jack, he lost it completely. Leaning into his embrace, Daniel let out everything he'd kept bottled up inside.

Jack held him tight, just like the time he was coming down off of sarcophagus addiction. He whispered softly into his ear as he rubbed small circles on his back and petted his head, as if he were his son, Charlie.

"I'll always protect you, Daniel. I never wanted to hurt you. Please believe me." Jack whispered into his ear.

Leaning back, Daniel saw something he thought he would never see . . . Jack O'Neill, with a tear running down his cheek. It shocked him to no end. Never had Jack ever let his more sensitive emotions show.

"Jack," Dr. Addie spoke quietly, "do you have something to share with Daniel?"

Taking a deep breath and running his hand through his hair, Jack stood up and paced a little ways away from them. He heaved a deep sigh and turned back to Daniel.

"My dad was a marine." He said in a slow, hesitant voice. "He was always hard on me and . . . my little brother."

Daniel was surprised. He never knew that Jack had a brother. Of course he didn't, Jack never talked about himself.

"One night, he came home pretty drunk and . . . started to rough me up a little. I hadn't taken the trash out and he was pissed. Patrick . . . my little brother, tried to get him to stop." Jack looked away from them. He really didn't want to tell this story.

"Jack," Daniel said in a low, emotion filled voice, "you don't have to tell me anything. I . . ."

O'Neill raised his hand to stop his friend. He needed to tell him, and damn it, he was going to.

"No, let me do this. I need to."

Coming back over to the bed that Daniel was setting on, Jack sat next to him. "Patrick got in between my dad and me. Dad didn't see him . . . he was such a little squirt. The blow meant for me lifted Patrick off of his feet and he slammed down on the coffee table."

He was quiet for a long time, not looking at either of the other men, not wanting to show his distress. Daniel laid his hand on Jack's shoulder.

With a choking sob, he buried his face in his hands. "My brother was never the same after that. He had to be put in a home for . . . damaged people. I left right after high school and joined the Air Force." Letting out a short laugh, he looked at Daniel, "Boy did that piss my dad off. He was sure that I would go into the marines, but I didn't want to do anything that met that bastard's expectations."

Daniel didn't know what to do or say. This was far more information than he ever expected from his friend. "What happened to Patrick?" he asked, not sure if he really wanted to know.

"He died when I was in boot camp. He was twelve years old."

Daniel mouth dropped open. If he figured it right, Patrick would have been about as old as he was. No wonder Jack took him under his wing. He reminded him of his little brother. Daniel now understood why he was always on his case and trying to get him to 'toughen up'.

It stayed quiet for a short time. Each buried in their own thoughts. Jack thinking that he was turning into his father and Daniel thinking that maybe he should cut Jack some slack.

"Jack," Daniel said quietly, "I'm really sorry."

Jack jumped to his feet and walked away. "DANIEL!" he yelled, "I don't want you to be sorry! What I did to you should never have happened. I can't let you let me off the hook just 'cause I have a sob story!"

Daniel stood up also and went over to him but Jack pushed him away. "NO! I won't let you!"

"Let me what, Jack? Let me feel bad for you? Let me say I understand the . . . the reason why you are always looking out for me? Let me . . . let me say that what you did to me will be one of the hardest things I will ever have to deal with?" Jack's head snapped up at that remark. "Yes, it will be! But it's not the worst thing that's ever happened. And I will deal with it. We will deal with it."

"How can you?" Jack asked heatedly, "How can you even think of trusting me again?"

Daniel dropped his head down for a moment, "Because . . . because I know it wasn't you that was really in control at the time. It was Hathor. I know how much this is ripping you up." Daniel put his hands on Jack's shoulders and looked him in the eye, "I need you to be there for me."

Jack tried to look away, but Daniel wouldn't let him. "Jack," he whispered, "I need you to be my friend and . . . brother. Please?"

Jack shook his head with a small smile on his face, "Space monkey."

Daniel grinned at him shaking his head.

"Welp," Dr. Addie said, startling the two men. They had both forgotten he was there. "I think that Daniel can go home in a couple of days. IF he agrees to continue with some therapy AND the meds."

Daniel closed his eyes and groaned. "Oh come on!"

"Danny!" Jack said in a sharp tone, "No arguing with the Doc. He knows what's best for you."

Daniel looked as if he was going to punch Jack, then slumped his shoulders in defeat. "Whatever."

Both Jack and Mike laughed at him.

"Good to have you back, Daniel." Jack told him. "I'll let General Hammond know you're comin' home."

***

**Epilogue: Two weeks later**

"SG-1 to the gateroom, please. SG-1 to the gateroom" Walter's voice rang out through the base.

It had been a long time since that team had been called out. A general cheer was heard throughout the mountain. Stargate Command's flagship team was back on the roster for available duty. As Sam and Teal'c walked down the hall, meeting up with O'Neill and then Daniel, many of the Airmen and scientist were at their doors clapping and patting them on the back. Everyone was happy to see the team altogether again. It had been thought that SG-1 would not recover from their last trial and tribulation with Hathor, and that the Colonel and Dr. Jackson would never be able to work together again. But here they were, a team to be reckoned with.

As they walked through the blast doors, the soldiers snapped to attention. Sam, Daniel, Teal'c and O'Neill stood in a line and watched as the 'gate opened and waited for the next adventure to begin.

**The End**


End file.
